Dormant & solo now, but Look OUT!

I was talking to my best friend/Dad about how being alone is often like voluntary solitary confinement. Then it dawned on me that the minority who benefit from this crazy society wants that "solitary confinement" reaction to alone-ness. Solitary confinement's isolation is used in prisons to break the spirits of inmates.

Go with me for a moment. Singleness is viewed as some type of problem. Really pay attention to how the media and society treats being alone. It's more expensive to travel alone, there are no tax breaks for singles, all sitcoms make eating out alone look "ridiculous", you get the picture. My favorite is the boldness of the question: "Why are you single?" I often look at the people who ask (and too many couples that I know) and I want to reply, "Why aren't YOU?"

There is a minority who are the controlling class who benefit from this fear of being alone. Divorce court: need I say more? Okay, that wasn't enough? How about: stalking, cheating, pimping, whoring, substance & food abuse? How do those "ailments" benefit the controlling minority? Do you realize how much money is generated because of that list? Can you imagine how many attorneys, law enforcement agencies and doctors benefit from those conditions? In addition to the money, while the masses are spending so much time trying not to be alone they are not spending that time improving themselves, so the controlling minority is "safe" from losing their status. I know that was somewhat generalized for the sake of keeping it condensed, but a majority of our social issues are emotionally based; ask any psychologist:-).

If you really look at it, there's POWER in being alone. Leaders are alone. Sure, they have assistants and supporters, but ultimately there is one at the top. One of my favorite print ads showed a guy with his feet up on his large desk, overlooking a breath-taking view with the caption: "Aaaaah, it's lonely at the top." I don't recall what was being 'sold', but I love the advertisement.

I am comfortable being alone as I continue to trust that The Creator is working on my perfect for me matching set of luggage Soul-mate. But, God's got His hands full. So, just in case He can't fill my "order" anytime soon I'm more determined than ever to live the best life possible. I am not in solitary confinement in my aloneness. My spirit may have staggered, but it will never be broken. I am in solitude and in training for the best life that The Creator has in store for me. I may be in a dormant, singular period now, but like a solo bear coming out of the cave after a long, deep hibernation, I plan to come out of my solitary existence stronger than ever and raring to go! Lean and keen, baby!!! Watch out dere now!


*click image for source - a brave blogger took that beautiful photo!

Wednesday Wisdoms & Wonders

Welcome Back for Wednesday Wisdom, vol. 16

Come in, set a spell and give us your take on the wisdom U dig in the selection:

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

~ Winston Churchill

Feel free to share any personal wonders & blessings that you've enjoyed recently.

Shihan speaks Da Truff!!

Ok...I'm a li'l mad at him for "hating" on Master P - but then it wouldn't be right if I agreed with EVERY thing this li'l cutie had to say. Enjoy! Then gone and have a great weekend!

REAL Wise move! Gotta share this TODAY!

MIT is offering FREE courses ONLINE!! Thanx to KellyPea's comment over on Dave's site I learned about this amazing opportunity and I'm sharing it with all who venture here!
Please check it out and take advantage! Oh, it's only for personal enrichment - but that in & of itself is great to me:-). http://ocw.mit.edu/index.html

*click on image for source.

Wednesday Wisdoms

Welcome Back for Wednesday Wisdom vol. 15

After surviving a 'funky' period, which may have been caused by atmospheric pressure - considering this crazy weather and the fact that I learned that several BlogFamily members went into a funk at about the same time:-). Not that I'm shirking my responsibility to pulling myself out of such emotional bogs;-). I feel GREAT, now and have gotten hyped by some of the dialogue that I've read here in the Blog-o-sphere! So, I dug through some of my motivational writings to share this with you:

"To deny that we are gifted is perhaps to indulge in false humility, which allows us to shirk our responsibility to The Gift."
~ Deena Metzger - author of Writing for Your Life

Feel Free to share your thoughts on today's selection!

*click on image for source

Conundrum - thanx 2 SistahKnewDay:-)

After reading the responses to Sistah KnewDay's question about needing "me" time in relationships, I was especially struck by GC's comment that she doesn't get why people need time alone.

This was buzzing around in my head along with my post from yesterday and I realize that I am a conundrum (one of my favorite words:-). I LOVE being around people and even being the center of attention. When I did an image search for crowds this chosen one reminded me of my high school and college days. I would've scanned and posted one - but that would've taken too long;-). I was a social butterfly in every sense of the word.

Now, I also ADORE time alone without the demands of others. I love not having to explain myself or answer to anyone else's needs or wants. My family and best friends know this about me and love me in spite of my need to go underground from time to time. I know that I will have a mate who 'gets' that I'm multi-faceted: loner, affectionate, social butter-fly, etc. In many ways I'm like a cat: I love being loved and in your company when I want to be then when I've had enough, I'll flick my tail and take it elsewhere. ;-).

So, my question: What makes U a conundrum? I think we all are to some degree;-)
*click on image for source.

Leading character & What? an experiment....

After returning to the internet world and reading Brother Rich's post on Clarity, I did a li'l experiment Sunday evening.

First, you see the photo of award winning actors & actresses. If it were up to me Forest Whitaker would not be award winning because he frightens me. I don't know if it's just his lazy eye or those crazy roles he plays, but it's a good thing his income does not depend on me and my opinion. Good thing for Forest that I am not the one to rate his life's work and it's in God's hands:-). Secondly, according to Rich's post we all play one of several roles: lead, support or just part of the crowd.

Well, I want to take that concept a step or so further. I've been in the country for a week, looking at flowers, grass, corn and other crops. In my mind, I am the leading lady in my life. But, I'm wondering - if we are all God's Flowers - what if you're simply meant to be a wild flower that may or may not even be noticed. Would we as humans be able to handle the fact that our role may simply be to just fill the fields? What if you knew that you were not destined for greatness...would you still strive for it? What if you were not destined to be chosen, plucked and put into the vase for closer inspection and enjoyment "in the house"? Would you continue to blossom as brightly as possible?

Back to my li'l experiment: a Brother pulled up in a truck next to my li'l ride. I knew IMMEDIATELY that we had NOT ONE THING in common! You know when YOU just KNOW? But he was SO insistent that we at least have a drink together. Initially, I was adamant that I go on my merry way. But, I'm telling you, the Brother was persistent and literally blocked my path until I agreed to join him for a drink. According to him, if I "loosened up" a bit, I would enjoy his company. I don't mean to seem snobbish or whatever, but I knew that he was simply attracted to my "shell" and I told him so. So, my experiment was to go along to see if maybe I'd feel differently after spending time together. While we talked over drinks he admitted that his initial thoughts when looking at me were carnal (no, that is not the word he used). I continued to ask him, what makes you so sure that we will enjoy each other? According to our conversation, we have nothing in common: I hate sports; he loves them. He's a self admitted TV addict. I barely watch tv (& don't have cable:-). I had to ask him to take his hat off inside (he's a grown man & that's a new concept? I felt like I was filming Daddy's Little Girls part 2 & he was NOT Idris!). According to this man, if given the chance he and I would be good for each other...I didn't think so...No, I knew we wouldn't be any kind of good match. Every time I asked him why he thought we'd be a good match his only answer was the fact that he found me attractive. ARRRGHHHH! We exchanged numbers at 4:15pm, spent a few hours together at a bar, walked through a street fair in Harlem and by 7:30pm I was walking back to my car alone (he didn't offer to walk me to my car). I called to thank him for the drinks, but said I would save us both the time and trouble by not calling him anymore. I don't mean to seem ungrateful for the Brother's accolades and compliments. I am VERY thankful that Brothers still even FIND me attractive - but can I be MORE than eye-candy, please? Or is that God's role for me? Maybe I'm destined to simply provide visual pleasure to men of the world...

So, my question again - what if you knew that the person you felt fit your ideal was NOT who you would end up with - would you continue to put the effort into living your best life? What if you think you want a "dime" - but you're destined for a nickel...can you give that person your best? Or will you treat them like: Danggg, it's just you? Well, let's make the best of this..."??



*click on image for source.

Thanx & apologies...

Thank you all for the well wishes and encouraging comments! My soul needed a complete 'reset'. I went "down the country" where life is SIMPLE and there's no internet access; barely had phone access;-). Spent most of the time looking out the window (delighted by the deer, owl and gopher who visited), walking in the yard, soaking up the sun, and enjoying the time with family.

I apologize that Life, Love & Dancing will no longer appear here in the blog-o-sphere. As Brother Sojourner said in one of his comments: "The Blog-Opera is time consuming." So, I must sacrifice those weekly excerpts for other, more pressing projects. My hope is to include it in one of my upcoming novels. Stay Tuned!

Blame & Praise the Moon:-)

I hope you can really appreciate the photo I took from my bedroom of the most recent full moon. It was absolutely gorgeous and the clouds were flirting around it marvelously. Then my "troubles" began...

And a very dear friend gave me a call after reading my past few blogs and said, "Look here! This is UNBECOMING of U, get it together!" Okay, he really didn't use those words, but he did gently let me know that "self-pity" was not attractive 'on me'. I am thankful that I have friends like that.

Then another friend and I joked that what I really need is a Brother who can "read" me and "cure" what really ails me when stress starts to get to me;-). Hee hee! Seriously, I don't think I want very much from one man, but my friend assures me that a very special man is being prepared for me by God - because only a unique man will be able to fully appreciate all of me; as well as be appreciated by me. Wow - and here I thought I was just a simple teacher who is now pushing myself to be a writer.

So, for fun I thought I'd put it out there! Below, I will give you an idea of the man that God is preparing for me. If you know where he is and he's having trouble finding his way through these tricky NY streets - help a Brother find his way home to these open arms;-).

CAP's Matching Set (we all have baggage, we just need to be paired with a matching set;-):
*Believes in a Higher Power
*Acknowledges our ancestors & understands all that was endured for what we enjoy today
*Cooperative - not competitive - with me
*5'9" or taller...i like to wear heels sometimes
*Loves to READ a variety of materials
*Enjoys real conversation
*Enjoys silence sometimes, too
*Likes to travel
*Loves to laugh out loud
*Is artistic & creative
*Comfortable with himself
*Comfortable with the many faces of me;-)
*Health is important to him - mental, physical AND emotional
*Freedom is important to him - therefore, his income is legally obtained
*added bonus if he speaks several languages;-)
*Chocolate, caramel or mocha latte skin tone (bonus if he tastes like that, too;-)
*Looks like any of the following (individually or a nice blend;-): Bernie Casey, Idris, Calvin Lockhart, Luda, Lennie James, Maxwell, Chris Brown, Common, Barack Obama, Savion Glover, The Brother who played "Bill" on the Lowe's commercial;-), John Coltrane, my exes (they were all cuties - just not my matching sets;-), Lenny Kravitz, Farrakhan, Langston Hughes, Will Smith, Denzel, Michael Jai White, LL Cool J, Capone (comedian), Mos Def, and you know there are really too many beautiful Black men for me to list here...but that was just to give you an idea of what MY eyes find Delightful;-)...

That's not too much to pray for IS it? As I'm told: With God ALL things are possible. So, I've put it into the Universe AND the Blog-o-sphere. I'll continue to hold on and trust that God is prepping this Brother/Soul Mate/Matching Set for me. And ya know I'll keep ya posted when he gets home safely;-).

Thanks again for ALL the support and love that U offer here in Blog-Land. Maaannnn, I'm glad to be back to the ME I like to BE - upbeat and balanced:-). Have a great weekend!

Classics...to reiterate my girl, Miz:-)

Sistah Miz posted about classics which reminded me of this tune. Enjoy the groove...


And then I found this GEM! I LOVEEEEEE KRS-1 and DougE.Fresshhhh....



I should be back to MeSelf next week;-) - but then I pray that I'll be better than I evah was...

Coming 'round slowly...

I'm still picking myself up & will not be posting the next part of Life, Love & Dancing as planned, yet. Then I saw this and I was reminded that I will be okay, too. Just so you won't be too freaked out - yes, he did get up & walk on his own off the floor...

This is an extreme visual reminder that sometimes in order to enjoy the amazing ride of Life - we're gonna experience some harrowing "stumbles"... Be Blessed!

Wednesday Wisdoms - need a break For REAL

I really DO need REAL wisdom and was not up for searching for anything UPlifting this week. I'm feeling REALLY funky right now & if anybody says or does the wrong thing they're going to catch my wrath! I just pray I don't catch a case. ha ha - trying to keep laughing to keep from hurting anyone...it's easy enough to take a blog-break. Wish I could take a break from the BS around me!!!!

Y'all have a good week....i'll be back ....one of these dayz...

....mutherf&%rz....getting on my daYum nerves.....

*click on the image for source...

No dancing around this Love for Black Men...

Just have to send love to my new-found favorite, uplifting blog:
Please go check this brother out & BE enCouraged & enCouragING: http://www.encourageabrotha.com/

Life, Love, Dancing...an excerpt - pt 7

Thank U for your patience. Please enjoy this 7th segment.

Here is the link to part 1 of Life, Love and Dancing.
Here is the link to part 2 of Life, Love and Dancing.
Here is the link to part 3 of Life, Love and Dancing.
Here is the link to part 4 of Life, Love and Dancing.
Here is the link to part 5 of Life, Love and Dancing.
Here is the link to part 6 of Life, Love and Dancing.


The admiring glances I sensed on my circuitous walk to the ladies' room two levels below our dining station increased the proud sway to my hips. Hispanic and Southern men's affinity for a curvaceous figure is balm for my spirit. This rare treat of abundant veneration in Manhattan can only be found in El Barrio or The Hood. Below 96th street men prefer fragile figured women. I was initially perplexed by the fact that even Black men preferred willowy women when I moved to New York City, but grew numb to it over time.

As I washed my hands there was no way for me to know that I would be washing my hands of a lot more three months after that lovely evening. I would sense more subversive glances along my circuitous tango into Paul's entangled life. But that first night was filled with the stuff that dreams are made of. Let me tell you that I, Cameron James, have enjoyed the attentions of many a charming man in my twenty or so years of dating and interrelating. But, my frustration with their lack of commitment drove me to celibacy two years ago. I took a vow that I would not engage intimately with any man until he proposed marriage. All of those other suggested time lines proved fruitless. I'd waited the prescribed 3 months, sometimes six months. Heck, one pre-intercourse chapter lasted seven years before ending in each other's beds. After that did not lead to the altar, I altered my strategy. I decided it was time I developed a true relationship with myself. Along the way, I stumbled upon God's objective for me. My purpose was to continue the work of my ancestors. It's amazing what revelations one has without the touch of a man for two years.

I knew subconsciously that Paul was a nice diversion from my withdrawn pattern. I reminded myself as I walked back to the table that this should be fun, nothing more, no expectations, just enjoy the moments and remember to breathe. I was here because I could not hide forever from the social interactions between a man and woman by simply hanging out with friends and family. It was time to practice all that I had been studying during my intense self-analysis and Bible courses. God and his betting nemesis, Lucifer were looking down and up at me getting a good laugh, no doubt. Well, I don't think God was laughing because He is always cheering me on. I'm sure the Lord looked on with bated breath. But, Ol' Lu had pulled out his best this time. And Lu knew that despite my protests, an underlying and mounting maternal drive weakened me.

As our dinner progressed I became more comfortable with Paul. I was enthralled by his ability to hold a conversation without the typical first date questions of: "What do you do?" or "How many siblings do you have?" The talk was light but personal enough that we shared glimpses of ourselves. Halfway through the bottle of wine we became cozy enough to feed each other. I noticed some of the women at the table nearest to ours peeping at us with encouraging smiles. I thanked the heavens for this refreshing respite in my parched social program. Paul's eyes sparkled with the victory of a man who had wined and dined a woman to perfection. He practically glowed when he fed me bites of the creamy dessert. While chocolate is my addiction of choice, I will never forget the tantalizing richness of the delicious caramel flan that Paul slid between my lips. I think Lucifer lit a cigarette at that moment. If I were a smoking woman, I am sure I would have needed one. And the night was still young.


*click on image for its source.

Something special for us, Ladies!

Who knew this much about Idris?

And Lawd, Why didn't I know he was in DC on May 5th of THIS year?

Flying Solo

I'm often told that I am blessed to be free & single. I should take advantage of my ability to 'move about the world freely'. I really DO feel blessed to be able to do all that I can and to have experienced all that I have. I've grown quite comfortable being alone and take many things I do for granted until I meet others who tell me they'd "never" do that.

I am comfortable doing the following things alone:
* Going to restaurants - a good book is my best friend:-).
* Having a picnic in Central Park.
* Going running in most populated parks where there are other runners
* Traveling as a member of a larger group even if I don't know the individuals in the group.
* Driving long distances.
* Flying to another city or island to meet friends, take a taxi or rent a car and find my way to our designated meeting location.
* Going to poetry readings - artsy people are often solitary, anyway:-).
* Going to bars - (I just pretend my friends stood me up and leave after about an hour:-)
* Going to movies - especially independent films

Places I'm not yet comfortable "flying solo":
* Sporting events
* Going skating in Central Park, Rock Creek Park, or any park - who will be there to help if I bust my tail (or is that my fear-cover upper:-)?
* Going to concerts
* Traveling to a new country

*click on image for its source.

Question to the Faithful...

Now, I admit I am new to this Closer Walk with Thee...but, I'm trying to be faithful. I'm doing all that I know.

I'm a believer, but As a WoMAN, I continue to be a bit perplexed by the Bible's male dominance...especially when it comes to mating.

YES, I continue to believe in soulmates and will do so until death drags me from this earthly realm. But, I recall a discussion for our Singles' Ministry lead by a single & FOiNE former assistant pastor to our church regarding abstinence and the single, Christian adult. Despite my frustration with his frustration, the session makes me laugh every time I recall the young pastor's utter lack of "control". I guess he thought his predominantly female congregates would sit silently and listen to his prepared sermon with his prescribed scriptures for all that ails us. Well, back in Biblical times the percentages of straight, eligible men and women were not skewed as they are now and we tossed a variety of questions his way to let him know that. I laughingly recall the young pastor's last words for that session before the closing prayer: "Looks like we need another session. These questions need to be addressed to Pastor Butts (our head Pastor:-)."

So, I bring the question to you: Biblically, Women are created FOR men (yes, that's a HUGE generalization - don't get hung up on that). But, it seems there's been a glitch in the matrix and there are "too many of us straight women". What to do with us "surplus" women? Even if many of us choose to cross cultural boundaries there are so many women! Is the multiple wife arrangement our only alternative?

*click on image for its source.
Just interested in your thoughts....

P.S. This is my 100th post on the Intimate Side:-)

Wednesday Wisdoms & Wonders:-)

Welcome Back for Wednesday Wisdom vol. 14
I'm in need of real, every day wisdoms, wonders and good news! To that end...

First, give us your take on the wisdom U dig in the selection:

"The Deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
~ Kahlil Gibran (from The Prophet)

Now, Share with us a recent blessing you have experienced!