HELP!! Which 2 Get?

CrackBerry? Palm? Treo? LG? WHAT 2 DO??

Soon, I'll be upgrading my phone & it's "bells & whistles". I want to be able to check email, maybe look over documents, a great GPS system & a qwerty keyboard. What do U suggest & WHY? I love what I've seen of the CrackBerry - but I won't be able to check work email (which MAY be a good thing = keep work & play separate...). But, still - i want as much unbiased info. as I can get (meaning: u don't get paid for any of the companies - do u? if u do, can u get me a hook up? LOL!). Also, it MUST work with Verizon - i'm NOT ever switching provider companies again - they're the best I've been with even if they are a bit pricier...

Thanx in advance for your input!

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Grown Freakin' Friday: ADULT subject matter for those over 18

Last week, Brother Rich brought up a topic in the comments about capturing the mind of your seducee (yea, I just made up that word:-). So, I ask: If you had no porn alternatives to kick start that imagination and you had to capture your seducee by first engaging their mind ... what are some of your techniques?

What are some of the most stimulating conversations or interactions you've ever had where there were no blatant references to sex, but you began to think: "DAYUMMM! S/He's got me so open, I'd jump on him/her right here, right now!" I want to know what mentally got U going and they had no idea that U were all hot & bothered. I'll give an example: One of my most evocative memories involved absolutely no references to sex, but I -- whew! if he had taken this cow-girl by her horns -- I wouldn't have been able to stop him if I tried. I was on a long distance train ride with a dear friend. I rested my head on his shoulder as he read to me. He was so enthralled by what he read, the passion, his voice, the words and steady rhythm of the train...I'm telling you it was a lethal mix! That passing fancy was never acted upon, but it continues to be one of my greatest memories and the basis for many a fantasy! LOL!

I will tell you there's nothing sexier than a man who loves what he's doing! I'm going to give that one away, Rich. Maybe it'll help prime the pump;-).

Past Grown Folk discussions:
Toe Curling Tips
Do Porn & Intimacy go together?
What is Porn & How do U feel about it?
How do U feel about Porn Enthusiasts?

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Grown Freakin' Friday: ADULT subject matter for those over 18

Maybe, just maybe I need to give in to the need that some men I meet/date have for porn ...

Naaahhhh!

LOL!

Ok, here's my compromise. I have a GREAT imagination, so I'll help "stage" a skin-flick. Below, I'm going to list some of the BEST things that men have done for me that sent chills all up & DOWN my spine! I told the one Brother who I dated for seven (dynamite) years that he needed to write a book for the clumsy azz others I had encountered. Thanx to my inability to find another HIM -- I went into celibacy mode (no true replacement, yet... pray for me... woman cannot live off memories alone;-). LOL!

Pre/Set the stage) Start by flirting -- even if u know each other well -- go out and flirt in public with EACH other. lol!
1) Take the lead through your actions. A well placed, gently guiding hand does it for me E'vry TIME!
2) Take it slow;-) ... u gonna get yours -- just be patient...
3) Simply breath ( just open your mouth & let the heat flow;-) onto those places where u consider putting your tongue -- the anticipation will result in WALL CLIMBING!
4) Lick then blow along that wet trail....shivers guaranteed! Note: Please lick without slobbering.
5) Touch lightly and breath on any & everywhere along the epidermis... especially those places we can't reach ourselves: backs of legs, curve in lower back, back of neck, u get the picture, right?
6) Watch & listen to the reactions ... that will help set your paces...
7) Head & Face massages can also curl toes - learn to give good ones! (Fellas, this is OUR head attached to our FACES that I'm talking about: focus, please Lance! ;-)
8) A li'l teasing is fun, too. Give then retreat. Start and stop ... until the begging begins;-).
9) If u must wake us up - do so gently with incentive to join in ... ;-).

Oh! U thought I was going to spell it out VERBATIM & add images to guide U? LOL! Take those few tips and see if your partner can help U interpret. Feel free to add Toe Curling Tips of your own in the comment area! Remember, this is grown folk talk - get out the "kitchen" if you're not ready for the heat;-).

Tell 'em, Snoop! LOL!



Past Grown Folk discussions:
Do Porn & Intimacy go together?
What is Porn & How do U feel about it?
How do U feel about Porn Enthusiasts?

*click image for source.

How Do U Feel About Porn Enthusiasts?

Blog Family of readers - How do U all feel about porn? I mean especially: How do u feel if your partner needs/wants it and u don't? How do u think your partner feels if u need/want it and s/he doesn't?

Ok, I know it's a billion dollar industry. I know it's getting huge press in light of Spitzer's "dethroning", R. Kelly's never ending saga and Prim Kristin Davis' rumors. And, maybe I am just a wee bit naive when it really gets down to it. Porn - in my head - is a bit different than "freaky", consensual sex with your partner of choice where u may choose to include a porn-flick in your session. Maybe I've been 'lying' to myself to justify. Or maybe I really just don't know. But, to be honest, I tend to think that serious porn enthusiasts are perverts - like the smelly dudes you see in public libraries all day renewing their time on the computer.

The one time in college I entered a dorm room with a "skin flick" on - the "action" looked so stilted that I've never had any incentive to see another (maybe they've gotten better - but I'll pass). Yes, I'm very secure in myself with a chosen individual intimately. But, I'm not comfortable with group intimacy, exhibitionist behavior, or casual flings on vacations. However, the more I "date" the more I'm discovering that I'm in some moral "minority". I try not to register the pure shock (read: disgust) on my face when a man I'm dating reveals his interest in porn. I try to display the nonchalant attitude that I "know" that "boys will be boys". But, you know the most shocking aspect to me - is not just the "yuck" factor (okay - yea, I'm a dweeb;-) - but the MONEY that gets poured into such a past time! I'm not [generally;-)] a judgmental person - what u do is your thang, but - I'm sayin' ... what if it affects me (or your significant other)?

Please don't throw tomatoes as u leave comments - i just wanna know! And please be sensitive to my sensitivity in your comments. LOL!

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Handle Your Business - with a few of these helpful tips:-)

No, I'm not on Andrew Morrison's payroll - but this Brother has helped open my eyes & the least I can do is promote him whenever possible. He speaks quickly - but as he says he's "from Brooklyn, so what do you expect." Enjoy the tips he shares for improving your business!

I MUST See This Movie

I've GOT to see: The Great Debaters. And I think everyone else should, too.
And I'm glad to learn that this is one HBCU that has not closed its doors - even though I'd never heard of the school until I heard about the movie. Wiley College: maybe the movie will garner more support for them.

Leading character & What? an experiment....

After returning to the internet world and reading Brother Rich's post on Clarity, I did a li'l experiment Sunday evening.

First, you see the photo of award winning actors & actresses. If it were up to me Forest Whitaker would not be award winning because he frightens me. I don't know if it's just his lazy eye or those crazy roles he plays, but it's a good thing his income does not depend on me and my opinion. Good thing for Forest that I am not the one to rate his life's work and it's in God's hands:-). Secondly, according to Rich's post we all play one of several roles: lead, support or just part of the crowd.

Well, I want to take that concept a step or so further. I've been in the country for a week, looking at flowers, grass, corn and other crops. In my mind, I am the leading lady in my life. But, I'm wondering - if we are all God's Flowers - what if you're simply meant to be a wild flower that may or may not even be noticed. Would we as humans be able to handle the fact that our role may simply be to just fill the fields? What if you knew that you were not destined for greatness...would you still strive for it? What if you were not destined to be chosen, plucked and put into the vase for closer inspection and enjoyment "in the house"? Would you continue to blossom as brightly as possible?

Back to my li'l experiment: a Brother pulled up in a truck next to my li'l ride. I knew IMMEDIATELY that we had NOT ONE THING in common! You know when YOU just KNOW? But he was SO insistent that we at least have a drink together. Initially, I was adamant that I go on my merry way. But, I'm telling you, the Brother was persistent and literally blocked my path until I agreed to join him for a drink. According to him, if I "loosened up" a bit, I would enjoy his company. I don't mean to seem snobbish or whatever, but I knew that he was simply attracted to my "shell" and I told him so. So, my experiment was to go along to see if maybe I'd feel differently after spending time together. While we talked over drinks he admitted that his initial thoughts when looking at me were carnal (no, that is not the word he used). I continued to ask him, what makes you so sure that we will enjoy each other? According to our conversation, we have nothing in common: I hate sports; he loves them. He's a self admitted TV addict. I barely watch tv (& don't have cable:-). I had to ask him to take his hat off inside (he's a grown man & that's a new concept? I felt like I was filming Daddy's Little Girls part 2 & he was NOT Idris!). According to this man, if given the chance he and I would be good for each other...I didn't think so...No, I knew we wouldn't be any kind of good match. Every time I asked him why he thought we'd be a good match his only answer was the fact that he found me attractive. ARRRGHHHH! We exchanged numbers at 4:15pm, spent a few hours together at a bar, walked through a street fair in Harlem and by 7:30pm I was walking back to my car alone (he didn't offer to walk me to my car). I called to thank him for the drinks, but said I would save us both the time and trouble by not calling him anymore. I don't mean to seem ungrateful for the Brother's accolades and compliments. I am VERY thankful that Brothers still even FIND me attractive - but can I be MORE than eye-candy, please? Or is that God's role for me? Maybe I'm destined to simply provide visual pleasure to men of the world...

So, my question again - what if you knew that the person you felt fit your ideal was NOT who you would end up with - would you continue to put the effort into living your best life? What if you think you want a "dime" - but you're destined for a nickel...can you give that person your best? Or will you treat them like: Danggg, it's just you? Well, let's make the best of this..."??



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Blame & Praise the Moon:-)

I hope you can really appreciate the photo I took from my bedroom of the most recent full moon. It was absolutely gorgeous and the clouds were flirting around it marvelously. Then my "troubles" began...

And a very dear friend gave me a call after reading my past few blogs and said, "Look here! This is UNBECOMING of U, get it together!" Okay, he really didn't use those words, but he did gently let me know that "self-pity" was not attractive 'on me'. I am thankful that I have friends like that.

Then another friend and I joked that what I really need is a Brother who can "read" me and "cure" what really ails me when stress starts to get to me;-). Hee hee! Seriously, I don't think I want very much from one man, but my friend assures me that a very special man is being prepared for me by God - because only a unique man will be able to fully appreciate all of me; as well as be appreciated by me. Wow - and here I thought I was just a simple teacher who is now pushing myself to be a writer.

So, for fun I thought I'd put it out there! Below, I will give you an idea of the man that God is preparing for me. If you know where he is and he's having trouble finding his way through these tricky NY streets - help a Brother find his way home to these open arms;-).

CAP's Matching Set (we all have baggage, we just need to be paired with a matching set;-):
*Believes in a Higher Power
*Acknowledges our ancestors & understands all that was endured for what we enjoy today
*Cooperative - not competitive - with me
*5'9" or taller...i like to wear heels sometimes
*Loves to READ a variety of materials
*Enjoys real conversation
*Enjoys silence sometimes, too
*Likes to travel
*Loves to laugh out loud
*Is artistic & creative
*Comfortable with himself
*Comfortable with the many faces of me;-)
*Health is important to him - mental, physical AND emotional
*Freedom is important to him - therefore, his income is legally obtained
*added bonus if he speaks several languages;-)
*Chocolate, caramel or mocha latte skin tone (bonus if he tastes like that, too;-)
*Looks like any of the following (individually or a nice blend;-): Bernie Casey, Idris, Calvin Lockhart, Luda, Lennie James, Maxwell, Chris Brown, Common, Barack Obama, Savion Glover, The Brother who played "Bill" on the Lowe's commercial;-), John Coltrane, my exes (they were all cuties - just not my matching sets;-), Lenny Kravitz, Farrakhan, Langston Hughes, Will Smith, Denzel, Michael Jai White, LL Cool J, Capone (comedian), Mos Def, and you know there are really too many beautiful Black men for me to list here...but that was just to give you an idea of what MY eyes find Delightful;-)...

That's not too much to pray for IS it? As I'm told: With God ALL things are possible. So, I've put it into the Universe AND the Blog-o-sphere. I'll continue to hold on and trust that God is prepping this Brother/Soul Mate/Matching Set for me. And ya know I'll keep ya posted when he gets home safely;-).

Thanks again for ALL the support and love that U offer here in Blog-Land. Maaannnn, I'm glad to be back to the ME I like to BE - upbeat and balanced:-). Have a great weekend!

Question to the Faithful...

Now, I admit I am new to this Closer Walk with Thee...but, I'm trying to be faithful. I'm doing all that I know.

I'm a believer, but As a WoMAN, I continue to be a bit perplexed by the Bible's male dominance...especially when it comes to mating.

YES, I continue to believe in soulmates and will do so until death drags me from this earthly realm. But, I recall a discussion for our Singles' Ministry lead by a single & FOiNE former assistant pastor to our church regarding abstinence and the single, Christian adult. Despite my frustration with his frustration, the session makes me laugh every time I recall the young pastor's utter lack of "control". I guess he thought his predominantly female congregates would sit silently and listen to his prepared sermon with his prescribed scriptures for all that ails us. Well, back in Biblical times the percentages of straight, eligible men and women were not skewed as they are now and we tossed a variety of questions his way to let him know that. I laughingly recall the young pastor's last words for that session before the closing prayer: "Looks like we need another session. These questions need to be addressed to Pastor Butts (our head Pastor:-)."

So, I bring the question to you: Biblically, Women are created FOR men (yes, that's a HUGE generalization - don't get hung up on that). But, it seems there's been a glitch in the matrix and there are "too many of us straight women". What to do with us "surplus" women? Even if many of us choose to cross cultural boundaries there are so many women! Is the multiple wife arrangement our only alternative?

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Just interested in your thoughts....

P.S. This is my 100th post on the Intimate Side:-)

Please Pray for Me

Heaven Help me and my newest dilemma!

I am ending a year of respite away from the only career I have ever known up to this point in life: Teaching. I have taught all levels of grade school: from 3 year olds in day camps to seniors in high school. I have even taught other teachers a few courses or seminars.

Here's my dilemma - my savings and alternative re$ources are running low. I am in need of a new salaried position until my writing, motivational speaking/coaching career takes hold and prospers! Now, if I could simply go in teach the kids and go home - I would LOVE to return to teaching. But, I am dreading this need to return to:
1) BS administrators who don't leave u the heck alone! U hired me - let me do what I do - especially since I'm not paid the salary of an attorney or doctor to take on your ISSUES (most of which are personal)!
2) Parents who can't handle the one, two or three bad azz kids that they spawned - but gonna get up in MY face because they don't think I'm handling a classroom FULL the way they think I should!? BeeeeACH Puh-leeeeze! When your kids are flawless - THEN we can talk. Otherwise, STEP OFF!!

Now, don't get me wrong - my many years of teaching were not ENTIRELY & solely filled with the above two challenges - but those are the two reasons I'm dragging my feet on sending out my resume and making the necessary calls.

I could not have lasted in teaching as long as I did without the love and support of the few "soldiers" around me who cheered me on directly or through their own example! So, I must send out BIG Hugz to the many GREAT & supportive administrators, teachers, students and parents I've met in my years of teaching. My overall most supportive teaching environment was in DC at my alma mater. I swear if I could commute from DC to NYC I would hop back to that school in a Heart BEAT! In the years that I've taught in NYC I've met supportive and encouraging individuals, for which I'm so thankful. There was ONE overall supportive NYC school where I taught in an All-Boy environment for the first & only time. I'd return to them if a full-time position opened up. So, why am I "allowing" the bad to out-weigh the good? Well that leads to...

Another dilemma I'm having is - Do I have to go back to teaching simply because I need immediate income? What other positions can a teacher transfer her skills to? If u have suggestions please also leave a few leads.

Thanks in advance for any support and information you can offer.

BlogPicking - How?

How do U pick which Blogs to visit & stick around to read 'em?

So many Blogs & so little time!
Is it the referrals?
Do u simply search blog themes?
Do u stay if u like the topics, lay out, comments, "vibe"?
What keeps u going back to blogs?

While you're mulling over that response, if you've never been - U have GOT to saunter over to Keshi's Spot to see where she's having her Holiday. U will NOT F$%ing believe it! LOL!

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Dilemma - please help:-)

Yesterday was the first official day of summer. EVERY Spring & Summer I have this SAME dilemma. I LOVE getting UP early & enjoying the sun-rise and cheery morning people. I LOVE staying out late & partying 'til dawn. How the heck can I do both? WHEN am I supposed to get any sleep? I wish I could stay awake all Spring & Summer, take naps in Autumn (love Autumn days, too) then JUST sleep all Winter.

Any suggestions? And before u go there: No-Doze type solutions are NOT an option:-).

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Human waste facilities

When does the flush cycle end? How long do adults allow other adults to use them as a place to "squat"? How long will women cry to each other that "He done me wrong!" I'm not sure who men cry to, but I know there are also men who allow themselves to be used.
I understand the innocence of blossoming young adults who think the world is "all about them". Then they experience a couple of rude awakenings & slaps in the face of "love". Now, in my experience there are two choices when you've had painful experiences in the name of love:

1) Continue to walk in the path of "ignorance" - do the same things, spend time with the same types of people who hurt you along the way, continue to cry to your "closest" friends that you don't understand why these painful episodes keep happening.

2) Get a GRIP! Take a closer look at yourself, your habits, your relationship with a higher power (what ever your faith) and DECIDE what part you are willing to play in this whirl-d of relationships. GO into relationships with both eyes and heart open! Be slow to bruise & quick to heal! Know that we as individuals have a great deal of control over who we let into our worlds, and how long we allow them to stay there once we have learned WHO they REALLY are. Stop kidding ourselves - people are NOT that difficult to read - if you're really paying attention.

Be sure that u want to hear my answer if you come to me for advice. I don't hold hands & tell u what u want to hear. Once I realize that's all u want, u'll get my answering service on the regular. Time above ground is a precious commodity. I don't have time for pity parties. Trust me - I have this same talk with myself, regularly!

Which selection will U make? 1) Continue in Ignorance or 2)Practice self analysis & improve your relationships overall, starting with the relationship with your Creator?

To those who have hurt me in the past - I Thank you & release you from any ill feelings I may continue to harbor unwittingly. You have taught me: Living WELL is the best revenge! Without your kix in the a$$ I would not be the alert, confident woman that I am today!

To those who I have hurt along the way - Please accept this public apology. Blame it on the arrogance & ignorance of youth. Without your love and support I would not be the loving, confident woman that I am today!

NOTE: A fellow Blogger, Lisa Q. is offering an AMAZING e-class for those who need HELP with relationships and can't bear my brusque manner:-). When you get to her site you'll see on the top left column the offer on How to Attract the Relationship You Want. You can email her for details before you sign up, too!

*click on the photo for its source.

For MEN only -

WHY do men delay asking a woman out until they can take her to the best place that they know of? I realize that first impressions last forever, but where is the compromise?

Here's the dilemma - I have been told by more than one man (so, I don't think ALL of the men who have said it were using it as an excuse to avoid me;-) - a version of: "I want to take you out, but can't now because I want to be able to treat you the way you deserve to be treated." That's lovely, I applaud Brothers for thinking so highly of me, but is it really so difficult to start with a coffee/tea shop and work our way up?

How does a woman "project" that she's not too high maintenance/unreachable without appearing shabby? Where's the balance?

Thanx in advance for your lesson on Man-Speak:-).

Just a quick question for u to answer as I continue my "hiatus";-)