Thankful Thursdays [5 of 50]

Twenty of the 1000 Things I'm Thankful I've Experienced in My Lifetime:

81) I am thankful that I have a HILARIOUS sense of humor: I love laughing & like it when I can make others laugh. Laughter really does heal what ails me!

82) I don't take myself too seriously. Quick funny story that still cracked me & Miz UP as we recalled it when I was in da ATL:

At The RT convention I bunked with fellow authors: Miz & Jean. During the day the featured authors gave away so many treats & one of my faves was the lip balm cuz I hate dry lips. I assumed all of the balms were clear, so as we prepared for bed I just grabbed one & swiped it carelessly across my lips. But, it felt drier & thicker than lip balm should and I said aloud: "This don't feel like lip balm." Jean froze in place across the room, stared & responded slowly as one might to a mad-man: "Uhhh, it don't look like it, either. You may wanna check the mirror." I stepped into the bathroom & faced The Joker in the Mirror! As I wiped the fiery red "lip balm" off my lips, Miz calmly commented from the computer where she was working: "I was just hoping u wouldn't stab us in our sleep, Bride of Chucky." I know that may be one of those "u had to be there moments" - but if u have any imagination u can imagine how crazy I must have looked! LOL!

83) That I've been to see some of the funniest comedians EVAH, Live & in person: Richard Pryor (that was a New Year's Eve show to remember! R.I.P. Brothah), Mike Britt, Capone, Rob Stapleton, Paul Mooney, Rasheed (R.I.P. Bruh), Ced the Entertainer along with his host of up & coming comedians, Monique, to name a few. Only seen a few women comedians live & sadly I don't recall more of their names - but I would love to see this chica live: Vanessa Fraction.

84) I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I have some of THE funniest family members: from the babies to the elders! Sometimes I wish I could record our family gatherings - but then, it wouldn't be the same if folk knew they were "on".

85) Most of my friends are funny!

86) My college sweet-heart was a straight FOOL! Dayummm, I miss being with that lovable clown! Thinking about him still makes me smile. *Sigh* too bad going back has never been a good thing for me ...

87) That my prayer to work and become business partners with folk I actually enjoy hanging out with is coming true! My new j.o.b. I'm part of the coolest department! Where else do U start your job with hugz? LOL! And I'm excited about all the biz ventures I'm starting up. I read once that Chris Rock said for him that going to work was like going to hang out. I'm getting there! Whoever said don't mix business & pleasure was wrong!! Pleasure is serious business to me;-).

88) I have enjoyed some of the funniest moments at work while teaching! It's the hilarity of students that makes me keep returning to the class-room. Even during "hellish" dayz there is usually some hilarious episode. I attempt to jot down some of those moments because I think it'll be a great book. I love it when my students share in the laugh with me.

Another Quick funny story: I tend to be sarcastic and most of my students are aware of that, so they don't take it personal. This time it back-fired on me and all I could do was laugh. When teaching computers one of the routines I get my students into is to immediately begin to practice touch typing as the "dribble" into my class from various locations. They all had arrived and it was time for me to start the lesson. As I called their attention to the front I counted down. One student wanted to finish her typing level and called out: "One sec!" I sarcastically called back: "No! No more secs ... secONDS, no more seconds!" It was too late - they were in fourth grade hysterics!

89) I love private jokes and am thankful that I've enjoyed & continue to enjoy quite a few with my Daddy & my best friends! U know those jokes that someone else will unwittingly say a word that triggers giggles! I am always quick to share the inside joke so folk won't feel left out or think we're laughing at them. Generally, after being told about the inside joke the "new" person will roll their eyes or give that patronizing smile - which makes us laugh even more! LOL!

90) I like that I am pretty adventurous and brave. I did not always believe this, but I am thankful to BE as adventurous as I am.

91) I've mentioned this before briefly: Moving to NYC without having any family here and only knowing ONE other person/dear friend - is one of the brave things I've done. I am blessed with a loving community of friends (some are re-discovered from my past & some new to me;-).

92) Joining the US Navy was very brave for me - and it felt like a brave thing to do! Never knew that I would miss my family & friends so much until I could only call when I was allowed specific phone calls with time limits. I have a greater respect for those who sacrifice so much to serve this country I call home! I am not ashamed to admit that this Grown & Sexy Sistah cried herself to sleep for the first two weeks of boot camp. I had never been so homesick! I learned a great deal about me during that "short" time.

93) All I need is a credit card and a map and I will find my way anywhere in the USA if I tell someone I'll meet them "there". I've always liked maps - even as a little girl maps fascinated me. I helped my father read the map as he drove during family trips because "all those lines" frustrated everyone else. LOL!

94) I am thankful that I no longer have to be the center of attention. I can enjoy parties just by chillin' & watchin' others have a great time! But, I can easily step into that spot light if need be;-).

95) Thankfully, I've lived through some of the hilarious risks that are taken as a youngstah! Now, those risks (which I'll let your imagination run with) are simply experiences I can look back at and smile about - thankful I had them & lived to remember them (cuz some things are better left unsaid;-).

96) That someone created computers, the Internet & blogs (& opened it up for civilian use;-) so that I could expand my circle of friends and even improve my career! Blogging really has been an amazing phenomena for me!

97) To be alive and alert - experiencing all of the technological advances in my life time. When I think of the fact that my parents remember a world without television it's amazing how much has changed in a generation. Even I remember television with limited channels and that it ended at midnight or soon thereafter with the flag waving and the star spangled banner playing!

98) I've been taught (& absorbed this lesson) to be quiet inside. As delighted as I am by all of the technology I am blessed to sit quiet without sights or sounds each day to listen & communicate with my Maker.

99) Despite my frustration at being single - I am SOOO thankful that I'm really learning to observe couples with a critical eye and learn their "dance" moves. I'm in a very good place emotionally. I really do feel as if The Master is guiding me in the ways of loving Womanhood.

100) That I'm loving ME entirely: imperfections AND perfections. This may be one of my greatest life experiences: self acceptance.

The First Thankful Thursday [1-20].
Second Thankful Thursday [21-40].
Third Thankful Thursday [41-60].
Fourth Thankful Thursday [61-80].

Grown Freakin' Friday: ADULT subject matter for those over 18

I love shoes as much as the next shoe-holic and put an extra dip in my hip when wearing my flyest kix. Now, Brother 12kyle often references the shoe models of the ATL. Then Brother Rich explained to me the real impact of the ATL shoe models: many are indeed intelligent women using the shoe model industry to pay their way through college and establish a comfortable life whom men flocked to, influencing some men to leave their wives.

I'm not hating on sistahs who do what they feel is necessary to pay their way. I do wonder just how jaded one's going to become after spending time in such a career. I used to simply bartend and became disenchanted by some of what I witnessed in clubs, especially after hours. I can only imagine how tainted I would be after years as a shoe model. I don't ever think I'd develop a healthy relationship with any trust of men. I remember watching that cable show about the family who owned the porn business. The unmarried son had the hardest time finding women who could deal with him. He didn't want a stripper or performer, but when he met women who were not in the sex industry many became turned off by his business.

What say U? How would a career in the sex industry affect your relationships? If you've ever had such a career - how does it affect your intimate relationships?

Now, gone & strut your stuff on this long sexy weekend!

*click image for source.

BlueBe Not Afraid Mondays, II

Welcome Back for the 2nd installment of:

F &%k
E verything
A nd
R un
-or-
F ace
E verything
A nd
R ejoice

Now, if we claim we believe in a Higher Power - regardless of our Faith Base we really shouldn't fear ANYthing because we claim that we TRUST our Creator "has this", right? According to the Christian faith, on which I was raised:

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

I also like to read and talk to people about other faiths. One that fascinates me is Buddhism. The Buddhist practice of creating mandalas is awe inspiring. I found this on Wikipedia: "To symbolize impermanence (a central teaching of Buddhism), after days or weeks of creating the intricate pattern, the sand is brushed together and is usually placed in a body of running water to spread the blessings of the mandala." My mind translates that: If we realize how temporary everything is -- we have no time or energy for fear.

Sometimes I have felt the need to: F.%&k E.verything A.nd R.un:
1) When bills seem to overwhelm: more needing to go out than coming in...
2) When Mice & rodents are present cuz they give me the "willies".
3) When speaking in front of large audiences, which causes my heart to pound in my ears.

I'm Proud when I have: F.aced E.verything A.nd R.ejoiced by taking action:
1) Call, Write, Address those who are owed and discuss options & alternatives.
2) My Dad & I went to a pet store and faced rodent thang together. We spoke with one of the shopkeepers who helped us hold a gerbil, so I felt the tiny thing quaking in fear, itself. I still don't want to live with any, but I realize they're more afraid than I am. Now, rats -- especially here in NYC - u just gotta respect 'em. Though I did read the book Rats: History & Habitat to get a better perspective on them, too;-).
3) I know that I have to be prepared and generally need a page or book to hold in my hands to refer to when my mind goes blank;-). I admire those who can freestyle it -- one day I'm sure to get to that level of courage! Also attending ToastMasters meetings to improve on that!

What faith or beliefs do you use to get you through your fears?

Past Discussion(s) on this topic:
Determined to Live Courageously!

*Click image for source & cool blog about mandalas & the artist who creates them!

BlueBe Not Afraid Mondays

Been talking to my Daddy & a coupla friends (including bloggers) on the topic of FEAR. I've recently learned two new ways to look at FEAR:

F &%k
E verything
A nd
R un
-or-
F ace
E verything
A nd
R ejoice

I realize that both are valid depending on the circumstances. Below (and each Monday until I exhaust this topic;-) - I'll list some examples of each in my experience;-). I will try to balance them out -- it is my life goal to overcome most of my fears & the things that make me hesitate in life. I want to live a courageous life because too often fears are crippling and limiting. I know a man who has such a fear of going above the first floor of a building. Do you know how many opportunities and life experiences I would miss if I stayed on the ground level of buildings in NEW YORK CITY? I wish him well, but I am driven to overcome fears that have the potential to keep me from enjoying a full life.

I know that some fears are instincts that help keep us safe - like fear of falling or the fear of a gun pointing in your direction. And I know most other fears are reactions to tragic experiences. However, I want to train myself to believe there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to fear! Even God is not be feared, but should be revered! An example of overcoming a serious "logical" fear: If a gun is pointed in my direction I want my instincts to kick in and an alternative to be realized - either I'll talk the gun pointer into turning the gun elsewhere, I'll run in a zig-zagged pattern, or something. But, I NEVAH evah want to be paralyzed by fear. I feel strongly about this - especially now that we, U.S. residents live under a fear-mongering presidential regime who gets its rox off by promoting fear.

Sometimes I have felt the need to: F.%&k E.verything A.nd R.un:
1. When I encounter barking dogs - especially big dogs.
2. When I encountered snakes - especially in college - needed to walk a wooded path.
3. Flying on airplanes makes my heart race.

I'm Proud when I have: F.aced E.verything A.nd R.ejoiced:
1. Encounter the dog owners & learn the dogs weren't as bad as I had initially thought. Now, it's the owners I watch.
2. Volunteered at the Nat'l Zoo in DC & learned about snakes - even handled a few.
3. When I fly I pull out my journal and write exactly what I'm feeling and EVERY time it's helped to calm my nerves - even through turbulence (besides, where am I going to run TO once I'm on the plane?;-).

What fears are U working to overcome?

*click image for source & info. on Edvard Munch.

2008 is GREAT - starting with a Tag Response

I was tagged ages ago ... by MizRepresent. (Then G Sweet tagged with same thang;-).
I thought I'd save it for my New Year's 2008 Post:

Rules I can follow:
A) Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog ... Done!
B) Share 7 random facts about yourself ... Done (see below:-) ... I've even added one in honor of 08;-) ...
Here's where I veer off the rules ... a bit more:
C) Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs ... If U're reading this & u like it - have AT it!
D) Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
How about this instead:
If U liked this and U've self tagged - let me know in the comments and I'll come check your version out;-)

Seven Eight Random Facts about CAP (that u may or may not know already;-):

1. I am thankful for ALL of my blessings (including the tough, enriching learning experiences).
2. My initials are CAP & I was born & raised in the Nation's CAPital.
3. I'm the youngest of four female siblings & we share the same initials:-).
4. I love intensely (so I'm told:-) ... & wonder how anyone can love ... "moderately (?)".
5. I embrace all that is ME (which is a new 'fact' that I'm LOVING about me!).
6. I'm a nonconformist who is quite a conundrum (& I love the word conundrum;-)!
7. I like to listen and I LOVE to talk!!

8 (Bonus;-). I LOVE to DANCE!!! And need to do so more often:-) ... so check one of my favorite videos & le's GROOVE!


Click image for its source.

Where in the City is CAP?

Several have asked what I'm doing in hiding.

Here it is:

*Seeking employment -- when did it take this long (2 months & counting) to simply find a salaried J.O.B. where I have no desire to battle with supervisors' egos past quitting time? Give me a shout if you know anyone who wants a receptionist, admin. asst. or any other position filled that an educator/developing writer can handle without too much emotional output. How do I tell an employer nicely that I just want to cover my living expenses and go home to my books after giving them 8 hours of me (or did I already do that by posting it on this blog;-)?

*Writing, Writing & WRITING. Several different projects going on at once and this job search is getting in the way. LOL! Check out a new li'l spot & motivator I found: NaNoWriMo. Oh, yea - Reading, too - but that seems to be synonymous with Writing. LOL!

Climbing back into my lock-box, now...whew! Who knew this could be so all consuming? ;-)

*click image for source - female escape artist

Dormant & solo now, but Look OUT!

I was talking to my best friend/Dad about how being alone is often like voluntary solitary confinement. Then it dawned on me that the minority who benefit from this crazy society wants that "solitary confinement" reaction to alone-ness. Solitary confinement's isolation is used in prisons to break the spirits of inmates.

Go with me for a moment. Singleness is viewed as some type of problem. Really pay attention to how the media and society treats being alone. It's more expensive to travel alone, there are no tax breaks for singles, all sitcoms make eating out alone look "ridiculous", you get the picture. My favorite is the boldness of the question: "Why are you single?" I often look at the people who ask (and too many couples that I know) and I want to reply, "Why aren't YOU?"

There is a minority who are the controlling class who benefit from this fear of being alone. Divorce court: need I say more? Okay, that wasn't enough? How about: stalking, cheating, pimping, whoring, substance & food abuse? How do those "ailments" benefit the controlling minority? Do you realize how much money is generated because of that list? Can you imagine how many attorneys, law enforcement agencies and doctors benefit from those conditions? In addition to the money, while the masses are spending so much time trying not to be alone they are not spending that time improving themselves, so the controlling minority is "safe" from losing their status. I know that was somewhat generalized for the sake of keeping it condensed, but a majority of our social issues are emotionally based; ask any psychologist:-).

If you really look at it, there's POWER in being alone. Leaders are alone. Sure, they have assistants and supporters, but ultimately there is one at the top. One of my favorite print ads showed a guy with his feet up on his large desk, overlooking a breath-taking view with the caption: "Aaaaah, it's lonely at the top." I don't recall what was being 'sold', but I love the advertisement.

I am comfortable being alone as I continue to trust that The Creator is working on my perfect for me matching set of luggage Soul-mate. But, God's got His hands full. So, just in case He can't fill my "order" anytime soon I'm more determined than ever to live the best life possible. I am not in solitary confinement in my aloneness. My spirit may have staggered, but it will never be broken. I am in solitude and in training for the best life that The Creator has in store for me. I may be in a dormant, singular period now, but like a solo bear coming out of the cave after a long, deep hibernation, I plan to come out of my solitary existence stronger than ever and raring to go! Lean and keen, baby!!! Watch out dere now!


*click image for source - a brave blogger took that beautiful photo!

Blame & Praise the Moon:-)

I hope you can really appreciate the photo I took from my bedroom of the most recent full moon. It was absolutely gorgeous and the clouds were flirting around it marvelously. Then my "troubles" began...

And a very dear friend gave me a call after reading my past few blogs and said, "Look here! This is UNBECOMING of U, get it together!" Okay, he really didn't use those words, but he did gently let me know that "self-pity" was not attractive 'on me'. I am thankful that I have friends like that.

Then another friend and I joked that what I really need is a Brother who can "read" me and "cure" what really ails me when stress starts to get to me;-). Hee hee! Seriously, I don't think I want very much from one man, but my friend assures me that a very special man is being prepared for me by God - because only a unique man will be able to fully appreciate all of me; as well as be appreciated by me. Wow - and here I thought I was just a simple teacher who is now pushing myself to be a writer.

So, for fun I thought I'd put it out there! Below, I will give you an idea of the man that God is preparing for me. If you know where he is and he's having trouble finding his way through these tricky NY streets - help a Brother find his way home to these open arms;-).

CAP's Matching Set (we all have baggage, we just need to be paired with a matching set;-):
*Believes in a Higher Power
*Acknowledges our ancestors & understands all that was endured for what we enjoy today
*Cooperative - not competitive - with me
*5'9" or taller...i like to wear heels sometimes
*Loves to READ a variety of materials
*Enjoys real conversation
*Enjoys silence sometimes, too
*Likes to travel
*Loves to laugh out loud
*Is artistic & creative
*Comfortable with himself
*Comfortable with the many faces of me;-)
*Health is important to him - mental, physical AND emotional
*Freedom is important to him - therefore, his income is legally obtained
*added bonus if he speaks several languages;-)
*Chocolate, caramel or mocha latte skin tone (bonus if he tastes like that, too;-)
*Looks like any of the following (individually or a nice blend;-): Bernie Casey, Idris, Calvin Lockhart, Luda, Lennie James, Maxwell, Chris Brown, Common, Barack Obama, Savion Glover, The Brother who played "Bill" on the Lowe's commercial;-), John Coltrane, my exes (they were all cuties - just not my matching sets;-), Lenny Kravitz, Farrakhan, Langston Hughes, Will Smith, Denzel, Michael Jai White, LL Cool J, Capone (comedian), Mos Def, and you know there are really too many beautiful Black men for me to list here...but that was just to give you an idea of what MY eyes find Delightful;-)...

That's not too much to pray for IS it? As I'm told: With God ALL things are possible. So, I've put it into the Universe AND the Blog-o-sphere. I'll continue to hold on and trust that God is prepping this Brother/Soul Mate/Matching Set for me. And ya know I'll keep ya posted when he gets home safely;-).

Thanks again for ALL the support and love that U offer here in Blog-Land. Maaannnn, I'm glad to be back to the ME I like to BE - upbeat and balanced:-). Have a great weekend!

Flying Solo

I'm often told that I am blessed to be free & single. I should take advantage of my ability to 'move about the world freely'. I really DO feel blessed to be able to do all that I can and to have experienced all that I have. I've grown quite comfortable being alone and take many things I do for granted until I meet others who tell me they'd "never" do that.

I am comfortable doing the following things alone:
* Going to restaurants - a good book is my best friend:-).
* Having a picnic in Central Park.
* Going running in most populated parks where there are other runners
* Traveling as a member of a larger group even if I don't know the individuals in the group.
* Driving long distances.
* Flying to another city or island to meet friends, take a taxi or rent a car and find my way to our designated meeting location.
* Going to poetry readings - artsy people are often solitary, anyway:-).
* Going to bars - (I just pretend my friends stood me up and leave after about an hour:-)
* Going to movies - especially independent films

Places I'm not yet comfortable "flying solo":
* Sporting events
* Going skating in Central Park, Rock Creek Park, or any park - who will be there to help if I bust my tail (or is that my fear-cover upper:-)?
* Going to concerts
* Traveling to a new country

*click on image for its source.

I've been TAGGED...DagNabIT!

Okay, I'll try to "play well with others" for once. Brother Rich tagged me and his tag-theme is fairly easy, so I'll take the bait. Unfortunately, Sistah Shai no one musical artist encompasses the myriads of ME:-)

Five Things That I'm Focussed on INTENSELY:

1. The Power of My Language:
I've become incredibly sensitive to the words that open my world as opposed to self-imprisonment.

2. Maintaining my W-Health:
My Health is My Wealth and I'm doing more to take greater care of this Loaner temple I live within.

3. My Faith & Purpose:
I want to do all that I can to live as The Creator built me to.

4. Writing:
Through writing I am discovering my purpose and sustaining my faith.

5. ReRead the Above:-)


Not tagging anyone else:-)

Butterfly....me

If you look closely at the photo you can see butterflies. If you look closely at me, you will see a butterfly who has come out of her cocoon, too.

Thank you to all of the Beautiful Brothers who have loved me. Some of you I know and some have loved me from afar, nevertheless, all of your energies have made me into the loving, passionate Woman that I am today. Note: Please do not mistake my passionate to mean the overt sexuality that has become a profitable, Internet past-time.

As I listen to other women, and read or listen to the relationship "experts" I wonder - how did I come to love Black men as I do? Now, don't let me mislead you into thinking that I'm presently in the ideal relationship as written by my favorite romance novelist B. Jenkins (U like that plug, Mrs. B? ;-). Not yet, anyway...soon, I believe I will be in a wonderful, loving and ideal for me relationship;-). I do have my share of concerns with trusting and committing to another human being. But, I'll get to that later.

Right now, I must send out a universal THANK You, to the beautiful Black Men who I have had the great fortune of crossing paths with. Regardless, of my "shoes", I ab-so-lute-ly ADORE Black men!

The hour is now late and I must get a bit of beauty rest;-).

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