For MEN only -

WHY do men delay asking a woman out until they can take her to the best place that they know of? I realize that first impressions last forever, but where is the compromise?

Here's the dilemma - I have been told by more than one man (so, I don't think ALL of the men who have said it were using it as an excuse to avoid me;-) - a version of: "I want to take you out, but can't now because I want to be able to treat you the way you deserve to be treated." That's lovely, I applaud Brothers for thinking so highly of me, but is it really so difficult to start with a coffee/tea shop and work our way up?

How does a woman "project" that she's not too high maintenance/unreachable without appearing shabby? Where's the balance?

Thanx in advance for your lesson on Man-Speak:-).

Just a quick question for u to answer as I continue my "hiatus";-)

In need of a break:-)

Whew! Now, I really need to take a cyber break! I thank everyone for the continued love, support and encouragement since I've discovered this side of me. So, please, make yourselves at home here - read, laugh, sigh, get enraged (or not), leave comments (or not). It's never too late to add your two cents;-)! I'll be write back after a li'l station break where I take care of some unfinished business in the real world:-). So much to do & so little time. No more tags or distractions, please;-)

First time I was Tagged ...

by Shai who is Drawn2Words:-)

What main lesson have I learned in the month of February?
What month are we in? I've been so busy reading & writing I lost track! LOL! I'm ever amazed & thankful for ALL the lessons that The Creator sends into my life & consciousness - can't really sort it out per month.

What bad habit do you want to rid yourself of this month?
Hmmm, I'm learning to flip the scripts - I'm now INCORPORATING positive, life affirming habits - drinking more water, working out 3 or more times each week, reading & writing daily on focused tasks & topics;-)

What are your favorite muses?(From FreeDictionary.com: 2. muse - a. A guiding spirit. b. A source of inspiration. - needed to make sure I was clear;-)

#1 - The Creator/My Ancestors/My Parents (I don't know how to separate them in my head/heart)
#2 - All those who love me, listen to me, support me & my unique perspective on life (friends, family & new blog-family)
#3 - All the strife that I didn't realize was fertilizer for the creative growth I must live

Name one thing UNIQUELY DIFFERENT that you recently discovered about yourself?
I laugh at my own jokes and no longer care if those around me don't "get it".

What is your definition of passion vs intimacy?
Passion: Something you can't shake no matter how hard u try (or is that addiction? LOL! though I guess Passion IS a healthy addiction:-)
Intimacy: When u willingly engage behind the barriers of another & allow them to do the same.

What are you currently vibing to?
Anthony Hamilton (love his southern themes = sistah big bones, cornbread, fish & collard greens, etc.)

What are your favorite gadgets?
My laptop & cell phone - all about communicating, baby!

What would be a perfect date with the person you're thinking of right now...
A stroll along an avenue, in a park where we just talk & laugh & laugh & talk and eventually go get something to eat...hoping it never ends...

Last book read?
Where does one end & the next begin? Recently finished Jill Nelson's "Sexual Healing"

What would you re-name it based upon your perception of the storyline?
Most Women's fantasy...for the moment and a dayum good way to make a buck!

How many times a day do you look at your blog or the blogs of others?
Too Many - I have to impose restrictions on myself:-). LOL!

Who's your favorite blogger or spot you find lurking around most often?
1. All the LoZoners & bloggers that I find on their spots...
2.BevLand

If you were to live the opposite sex for the day what name would you give yourself?
Jaime

Describe yourself in 3 adjectives?
Funny, Creative, Simply Complicated

One goal you set for yourself for the month of March?
Finish my 5K+ words for my blogger's delightful compilation;-)

I tag NandiKerri, Ced and Lance (who needs to start a blog;-).

Fertility Craziness

Why get out raged if human errors occur when trying to "play" God?

I couldn't even find a picture to represent this fiasco. Not to sound hard hearted or cold, but I had to laugh when I read this article on MSN today: NY Fertility Clinic Sued. The gist of the article is that a woman was inseminated with the "wrong" sperm (not her husband's).

The couple says that they have been forced to raise a child who is “not even the same race, nationality, color ... as they are,” the judge said in the ruling.

Then to add insult to injury:

They say that “while we love Baby Jessica as our own, we are reminded of this terrible mistake each and every time we look at her; it is simply impossible to ignore,” the judge’s decision said.

I just feel for the child who will be raised begrudgingly by this set of parents...or will they eventually put the child up for adoption? Once again, children suffer due to the ignorance and arrogance of adults.

I. Love. Watching. YOU.

I like the smooth sincerity on your face.
I want to reach out and feel its velvety softness as I stroke your five o'clock shadow.
I like the slight huskiness I heard in your brief utterance of, "Uh, okay."
I want to hear you breathe huskiness down my throat.
I like the way effort puts sweat on your brow and upper lip.
I want to taste the salt of your earth.
I like your quick glances my way.
I want to enjoy a long, lingering look into the depths of you.
I like your big hands with long fingers, thick, squared, without rings.
I want to feel them resting at the small of my back.
I like the way you bounce on your toes when you walk by.
I want to stroll with you along an avenue, in a park, down an aisle.
I like the way your eyes slide toward me, surreptitiously.
I want to see ... more of you...with me.

You. are. another. incentive. to return...

...to the gym...once again.

C.A.Paige © 2007

I'm COMING OUT!

At peace with the physical me:-)

This photo was taken after feastin', jokin' & talkin' smack with family on Thanksgiving 2004...so it's been a minute and thangs have changed, Thank Gawd. But this image is all I have to represent how I'm feeling!! I just got in from the gym and I'm feeling like HOT Dayum!! So, I need to share that I'm coming OUT!! Can you hear my girl, Diana singing in the background?;-)

Reflecting on the physical ME for a minute and how funny life is (or is it just how funny I am?). I vividly recall the shock and trauma that I experienced as I grew into this womanly figure. Okay, so I'm being dramatic...I wasn't traumatized, but I was caught off guard. Just as my body began to sprout outwards in all kinds of fascinating places, the medical field started promoting breast care and cancer awareness. There was a deluge of promotions on checking for lumps. Skinny, junior high me didn't want to "detect" a lump too late so, I checked almost daily. I have three elder sisters and not one of those chicks warned me that breasts start out as lumps! I laugh now, but I seriously thought that I had cancer because one side had a lump that the other side didn't have. I also had not been warned that the dynamic duo does not appear at the same time. I am a bookworm and had read all of the physical development books, but nary a book I read ever prepared me for the fact that hard little lumps would grow into these semi-voluptuous twins I have now;-).

Then there's "the backyahd". First, lemme tell you, I was a skinny sistah up through junior high. I was a straight, angular tom-boy who liked to play all the rough and tumble games, climb trees, pick up worms to prove my bravery and throw them onto the screaming "girly girls". So, when I started to get attention for that back there, I really didn't even know what was back there since I couldn't see it. And I certainly didn't understand what all the attention was for.

Being the youngest of four girls is a funny thing. I look up to my sisters. I really looked up to them as they grew into womanhood. But, I didn't realize the same growth would happen to me. Watching my sisters was like watching movie stars; they had something that would never be part of my life, it couldn't, I reasoned. It seemed to be invisible to me. Besides, it never dawned on me how similar we each were physically. Yes, people have commented on how much we look alike, but I only focused on our facial similarities. I never thought about our similarities below the neck. For a sistah who read most of the time, I was humorously quite ignorant!

All through my teens, twenties and such, I still never really focused on my physical self. My Body was simply the vehicle to carry my eyes and brain around as I watched all that was going on. Sure, I certainly enjoyed my share of physical activity both intimate and athletic, but I never have ever truly focused on ME, physically. Don't ask me why, but suddenly, this shell I live in and its physicality is fascinating to ME! I'm enjoying myself and my time as if I've discovered the fountain of youth and a new toy! And Boy oh Boy, what a JOY!! So, hit it Diana - I'm coming OUT! I want the world to know, I have to let is show!

You know I couldn't resist uTube. I tried to embed - but Blogger or uTube is trippin' so, if u feel the desire to enjoy some vintage Diana in Central Park click: Boss Lady! It's a great concert, really.

I Wish I Knew...and Glad I Better Understand:-)

You all know that I am thankful to my ancestors and parents for bringing me this far. I know therapists say we have to make peace with our pasts before we can move forward. One therapist told me that I had to acknowledge the role that my parents played in my development. Initially, I thought she meant I needed to lay blame on my fore parents for the pain or suffering that they had caused and I grew angry and frustrated with her. I don't believe that blaming the past will rectify my future. Clearly, there are many things my parents and ancestors could not know that I would need for survival. Heck, they were busy trying to figure this shit out for themselves "on the fly".

Now, I understand that the therapist simply meant I need to acknowledge the role that my parents played in my development, nothing more and nothing less - just acknowledge it. Today, as I worked on a tale for publication, the blatant acknowledgement took form without my initiating it. As I settled in to work on the piece I reflected on my life, as I often do. Like a good book, each time I reflect on my own story, I learn and notice something that I never noticed before. Sunday past, the guest speaker at church stated that God can restore ALL that has been stolen from us (time, objects, etc.). That message resonated as I reflected on self.

During my self reflection, I acknowledged the facts that my parents could not fully help me understand the dance between men and women, because they didn't fully understand it themselves. My parents couldn't help me understand business concepts, because they didn't understand them, really. I came of age in the eighties, when it was all about the partying and the "Benjamins", baby! I didn't fully understand what it meant to really value ones' self worth. I only knew that if you took care of yourself financially and you protected yourself when interacting with others (be it by use of prophylactics or just common sense) - that all would be well in your world. Living by those simple standards I am blessed and all is cool in my world.

I want more than cool. The Creator, my parents and fore parents deserve more than cool from me. Now, I'm ready to Set it Off!! (to borrow from one of my favorite "coming of age" house tunes;-). So, I list below a few things I wish I knew that would make it easier for me to set it off (and I pray The Creator will restore as the pastor promised:-):

I wish I knew (& glad I understand better:-):

• When my Daddy told me that women have the power to direct relationships, that he had clarified it was a quiet, subtle power; so that I wouldn't have "beat up" so many Brothers, because I "let a jokah know! I was not to be taken advantage of!"
  
• That when Ma told me she didn't like being married, it was because she had been a beautiful young woman, who had been frightened and didn't understand that marriage did not have to equal bondage.
• That entrepreneurship does not mean homelessness:-).
  
• That following ones' passion means finding God's Flow for you. We are given many gifts; it takes "listening" to that quiet, constant voice to help you determine which gift to use for The Creator's glory and abundance.

Again, I'm So Thankful that each new day is another chance to get it Write;-).


Back2TopOfIntimateSide

If in need of a Good Sermon

Just want to share this resource. If you need a good word or sermon to help you through the day, please check out the Abyssinian Baptist Church website, where sermons are available for your listening pleasure. Click the link below:

Abyssinian Baptist Church

Note: The amazing Bishop Vashti Murphy McKenzie was the guest pastor for 54th Women's Day sermon - Beyond Our Control.

Enjoy!
image courtesy of:
http://www.abyssinian.org/abc/imgfront/image007.jpg

Soul Mates

I didn't really want to blog about this, but after "pestering" several friends via email they suggested I blog to open up the dialogue. I just want to know your thoughts on Soul Mates (I already know some of you don't believe in the concept). One friend likened them to Kindred Spirits, which can come and go through out your life. Personally, I think the term Mate means connected and attached for the remainder of one's life from the time you meet and "click". I also believe that Soul Mates are connected by God as "assigned" help-mates.

There is a film entitled Soul Mate that focuses on the Single, Black Christian Woman and how the male to female ratio dilemma affects us and our ability to be Soul Mated.

Please watch the trailer before you comment. I tried unsuccessfully to embed the trailer, which means unfortunately, you have to take an extra step.

The Soul Mate Trailer

For anyone in the NYC area - spread the word:
The Singles' Ministry at Abyssinian Baptist Church will be screening the film Soul Mate on this coming Weds., March 14th at 7pm. There will be 2 follow-up discussion sessions on Wed., March 21st & 28th.

Back2TopOfIntimateSide

MUSIC that MOVES me!!

I recall watching an aunt cry when this song came on the radio. I was a youngster who had no idea about the Relations between and a man and woman, so I looked at her with sadness and wonderment. Waaaal, I guess I know now - because the same song brings tears to my eyes. Lord knows I LOVE some Jeffrey Osborne. Enjoy!




To Borrow from one of Cortney G's themes on rock just a li'l bit...I LOVE me some Mother's FINEST! Only those who know me VERY intimately know that, so now you are also privy to a private part of me;-).

Enjoy a treasure that I found on YouTube:

Crushes & Reflections

Crushes & The Start of the Mating Dance:
If U ever had a crush or early flirtations, please share about them! I love to hear a good story! If U never had such experiences, I'll pray for you - but feel free to live vicariously through mine and anyone else who cares to share theirs by clicking on the highlighted words 'crush or early flirtations';-)!

Reflections on Past Loves & Sensualities:
Then of course, once those crushes mature and develop into full blown experiences...aaah! Do you reflect on them? If so, how do you feel about them? Reminisce with me awhile, if u have the time and desire!

Baby Girl...ME:-)

I'll always be my Mama's Baby and my Daddy's Li'l Girl! Thanx 2 The Ancestors for such Blessings.

'nuff said.


Back2TopOfIntimateSide

Selfish?

Is it Selfish to Stand on Your Own Two Feet? Is it Selfish to Look out for yourself? How do you define Selfish? Are there levels of Selfishness?

Had a conversation with my Dad recently about two kinds of Selfish as we saw it:

Healthy Selfishness Vs. Infantile Selfishness

Infantile Selfishness - we called it such because the image of babies came to mind. Babies want what they want NOW. Babies don't give any regard to how it inconveniences anyone else and have no foresight as to how to provide for their own future wants.

Healthy Selfishness - when you do what is necessary to take good care of yourself FIRST. However, your self care enables you to help others around you.

We had this discussion in relation to our own lives, of course. When individuals who "need" you or something from you call you selfish with disdain because you refuse to provide for their immediate needs. How do you handle that? Where is the balance?

Thanx in advance for your feedback!

U just have to laugh!

Laughter...leads to Love

Laughter is the True Afro-dizziac;-).

I'm sure there have been more scientific studies than my own personal life stories. But none have been as fun to me personally. LOL!

Lawd knows I love a good laugh! As I'm getting to know a Brother, I swear that laughter will often lead to intimacy quicker than that much discussed, highly promoted "first kiss". The first kiss has gotten much media hype, while laughter has been the underdog, that does all the work FOR the kiss. I guess, you could call it first kiss "foreplay". The first kiss may be forgotten, while the laughter will be the driving force that keeps me interested. When the laughter dies in my relationships, I'm generally aware that the rest of the ship is sinking, too.

What are some of the funniest moments before, during or after intimacy? I'll share a couple of my stories - feel free to add yours!

Note: None of these include tales of laughing AT anyone. The laughter I'm referring to will only lead to MORE intimacy, not bitterness.

1)
Everyone hears about the bed breaking in the midst of the act, but until it happens to you you can't really appreciate it. I don't recall being in the midst of anything acrobatic or even extremely intense - but suddenly we were jolted to the floor level with a BANG! After the initial surprise, I recall my partner and I laughing until we cried! Of course, we jokingly "bragged" to each other about who was the cause of such an "honor" as tearing it down!

2)
Not so smoove operators! NOTHING is funnier to me than those little moments when I or my partner have unsuccessfully attempted to do something that's "sure to smoothly impress the other": whether it's the kiss that's going to curl his toes and only succeeds in a tooth clash, or that acrobatic move you've been practicing to blow his mind and you catch a cramp in the midst of it, and we can't forget the many promoted suggestions you've been wanting to experience, such as edible accesories that end up getting caught in some bad places!