WHY do men delay asking a woman out until they can take her to the best place that they know of? I realize that first impressions last forever, but where is the compromise?
Here's the dilemma - I have been told by more than one man (so, I don't think ALL of the men who have said it were using it as an excuse to avoid me;-) - a version of: "I want to take you out, but can't now because I want to be able to treat you the way you deserve to be treated." That's lovely, I applaud Brothers for thinking so highly of me, but is it really so difficult to start with a coffee/tea shop and work our way up?
How does a woman "project" that she's not too high maintenance/unreachable without appearing shabby? Where's the balance?
Thanx in advance for your lesson on Man-Speak:-).
Just a quick question for u to answer as I continue my "hiatus";-)
Friday, March 30, 2007
For MEN only -
Moved by The Creator, Merely posted by CapCity at 3/30/2007
Labels: advice, Black men, communication
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14 Comments:
well, i guess it's the old adage of " you only get one time to make a first impression"
but then there's the impression that he's "slow on the uptake"....
ok, cap, I will take a stab at it per your request.
Firstly, I agree with Lance on the first impression mentality. I'll just take it a lil bit further.
As a man that has been out on numerous dates in my lifetime, I have never ever said that before! I encourage a brotha to not llive outside his means because once he sets the standard, you can't come below it and expect the same treatment. I answer your question with a question though not in the attempt to be funny. If you(Cap) have experienced that, then you have to look at it from more than a few perspectives: a) could he be sincere in his attempts to impress you?... b) could it be a that he's not financially able to take you out at all?.. c)Is he trying to get a reaction out of you to find out how you will respond to it?.. or d)and i'm going to be tormented for putting it out here like this... is it possible that he's trying to court many women simultaneously and doesn't want to go to the same place in a short period of time(classic playa move)
of course there are more..I just wanted to give a lil sumthin sumthin to chew on.
i hope it helps!
Dating can be expensive and once you commit, even on a small scale, you have to follow through, especially if you like the woman. Nothing is worse than to start dating someone and then having to constantly say, no to stuff, because you secretly can't afford it. The woman may look at you like a schmuck, or mistakenly think you are just boring because you never want to go out. This is especially a problem if she's used to dating dudes with dollars.
oh wow. u brothers went deep for me:-)!
thanx for the food for thought, DC.
Rich, thanx for the perspective from a sincere & married brother. I just wonder why men can't be more creative - there are so many low cost options when going out...especially when it's warm outside:-) I know there are demanding women, but some of us really just appreciate the time spent together and it can be outside of the home away from the TV...but what do i know???
The secret to overcoming the worry: Start small; start smart.
My first date is always at a coffee shop. I want the chance to hear a woman's thoughts, share my own, and enjoy a great conversation. What do I lose if my invitation is turned down? Nothing. In fact, I gain clarity. There is no rulebook that mandates overspending to impress a woman.
Here's the kicker: I enjoy my dates more. There is no pressure to impress. Just as I decide to place interest in a lady, she makes a choice when she shares time with me. THERE IS NO NEED TO IMPRESS! When you sacrifice the frills for the real deal, you win every time.
Thanx for the input,Ced - u still didn't address why there are Brothers out here who feel it's necessary to wait (sometimes years!) until they feel ready to take a woman out...i'm going to have to copy & paste from our chat, i see (yes, i save them sometimes;-)!
U said something about E.Coast & Southern men being raised in a culture where they need to WOW a sistah straight out the box! Wanna expand on that (since you're no longer on the E.Coast or South)?
I'm not good at dating ... One I don't like parting with money two I damn sure don't like parting with loot concerning a woman knowing that I might not get out of the deal what I'm really paying for .. best dates for me are at my house .. why? I can cook , cost me less money to do so, when we are done we can watch a movie on my big screen , when the movie is over we can go to my bed , and if none of these things are going right I can excuse you to the front door and not have to waste no gas taking you home...
Thanx for stopping through, CG! When r u coming to the East Coast to cook for a sistah? LOL!
ok, I didn't read the guys comments, but I'll say sometimes just being CREATIVE is enough...you know, use what you've GOT to get what you want...lol. The care put into CREATING the perfect date is enough. Cook a nice dinner for me...while providing a stimulating atmosphere with all my favorites...ie, Will Downing Playing, candles lite, maybe massage my feet...OOOHHH... I'm getting ahead of myself, but you get what I'm saying... LOL.
If he's waiting years, to quote a popular book "He's just not that into you".
OR
You are so fine, he's scared to mess up, so he keeps planning. The problem with that is that scared money don't make none. In other words, pull the trigga, nigga.
I have found that some of the loneliest women are the fine one's because everyone assumes they got a man or they are hard to get. Then you wonder how some ugly dude ended up with a fine ass woman.
If you brothers are reading this. Just tell the chick how much you dig her and do the damn thing. Women love confidence and attention. How can you fuck that up.
Enough said.
JYM, I already know what women want, I am one;-). I just wanted to know the male perspective on this - not that I don't appreciate your input, sis:-).
Eureka, Mw/B!! u reminded me of an incident YEARS ago when a total stranger who was delivering a package to a business where I was an entry level receptionist just looked at me and said for no apparent reason, "Beautiful women should always be given hell."(or something to that effect). SMH...God help me through the trials of the sea of knuckleheads that I meet.
Cap the cooking I do is real heat .. so with that invite you better have the sauce lol
How did I miss this post? LOL.
Cortney, see the date at home thing is a turnoff for many women.
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