Now, I admit I am new to this Closer Walk with Thee...but, I'm trying to be faithful. I'm doing all that I know.
I'm a believer, but As a WoMAN, I continue to be a bit perplexed by the Bible's male dominance...especially when it comes to mating.
YES, I continue to believe in soulmates and will do so until death drags me from this earthly realm. But, I recall a discussion for our Singles' Ministry lead by a single & FOiNE former assistant pastor to our church regarding abstinence and the single, Christian adult. Despite my frustration with his frustration, the session makes me laugh every time I recall the young pastor's utter lack of "control". I guess he thought his predominantly female congregates would sit silently and listen to his prepared sermon with his prescribed scriptures for all that ails us. Well, back in Biblical times the percentages of straight, eligible men and women were not skewed as they are now and we tossed a variety of questions his way to let him know that. I laughingly recall the young pastor's last words for that session before the closing prayer: "Looks like we need another session. These questions need to be addressed to Pastor Butts (our head Pastor:-)."
So, I bring the question to you: Biblically, Women are created FOR men (yes, that's a HUGE generalization - don't get hung up on that). But, it seems there's been a glitch in the matrix and there are "too many of us straight women". What to do with us "surplus" women? Even if many of us choose to cross cultural boundaries there are so many women! Is the multiple wife arrangement our only alternative?
*click on image for its source.
Just interested in your thoughts....
P.S. This is my 100th post on the Intimate Side:-)
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Question to the Faithful...
Moved by The Creator, Merely posted by CapCity at 8/02/2007
Labels: abyssinian baptist, advice, conversations, Soul Mates, The Bible
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25 Comments:
** Is the multiple wife arrangement our only alternative?
hehe no ways. I'd like to think of it as this. Men are created FOR women as well. And there r so many straight MEN out there too. Now how do we address that? :)
Keshi.
:-)...Keshi - of course, I think men are created FOR ME;-) and have NO interest in the multi-wife arrangement, but it's getting a little "tight" here in the States...are there greater numbers of straight men in Australia?
**are there greater numbers of straight men in Australia?
o no..Aus is full of gay men. Dun u know Syd is the gay capitol of the world.
And that explains my eternal single life LOL!
Keshi.
I had a militant friend who was all for polygamy but I could not wrap my mind around the whole idea. I trust God so I trust that if my desire is to have a mate then he will fulfill my desire. I guess as black women we have it a little bit harder since a big percentage of our men are in jail and/or gay. Like you said though, we can choose to date outside of our race, but then the pool gets even larger. I guess I just hold on to faith and believe that there is someone out there for me.
It is an ugly fact not all women will get married. Heck, not men will get married.
I wrestle with the thought that I may never get a mate. I guess my desire to mate with a soulmate is not as strong as yours. I don't desire kids.
Is everyone supposed to get married? NO. Should we have multiple wife arrangements? NO, because it will cause more trouble than being single.
Sadly, things are going to get worse. I hate the cliche but these are some of the last days. And I am starting to believe that many, many folks will die mateless.
This is a deep subject for me because I ask myself is it marriage I really want. Then I have that small desire of companionship not a commitment.
I happen to hope, think and know that there is someone out there for me...but i hear you on all accounts...it would seem as i go thru this daily life that we have a struggle ahead of us, what used to be a 20 to 1 ratio is steadily growing, and women are at odds with one another, all competing for the same man...it has been very difficult for me to adjust to the new dating strategy, to compete in such an environment, heck the last time i dated was, well lets just say a long time ago and back then men courted women, not the other way around. So, i just go on, if it's meant to be it will happen, until then, well i've got my prince to look at, hehhehe...and a few prospects in the work, but marriage, who knows, i'm not concentrating on it, don't even know if i want it...but a lifelong companion would be nice.
y'all don't want marriage, you just want sex without the guilt of not being a "good christian".
I have thoughts on the actual question, but i'll formulate and come back later.
Yeah, if you pay attention to the stats you can really get sad and depressed. I really try not to! I expect to have a great life. Is a husband a guarantee no... but I believe we all will live well and fulfilled lives anyway .... Somehow, when I wasn't looking rules changed, and I don't know when, how etc. Sometimes I feel like I am not even prepared to do the dating thing. I refuse to compete with women for a man. I offer the best thing I have: myself. I will continue to hope in the unseen things and be available to love a great man for me. Until I meet him, I will love those fam, friends, and associates that are around me NOW. It is the only way to be full of JOY. Me and polygamy - pfft. It. Ain't. Gone. Happen.
Nikita
Mega Rich -- women can easily get sex...and repent after. It gets really old.
Rich, you are WAY off the mark. It is not about guilt-free sex. SMH. How did you deduce that? Seriously.
Could one of you folks quote me the actual statistics concerning eligible men vs. eligible women? All breakdowns would be welcome - by race, age, income, whether incarcerated, whatever. I've never before been made aware of this discrepancy. Perhaps that's due to my own race and being married for over 15 years now.
As for polygamy, I've always agreed with Mark Twain. He felt that it made much more sense for a woman to have multiple partners, rather than a man. One woman can always satisfy a man - at least temporarily :-) while one man cannot always satisfy a woman, let alone a crowd of them.
(Letters From The Earth, by Twain, was published after his death. It delves deeply into subject matter he felt too controversial for his own day - religion, sex, etc. - and he gave specific instructions for it to be published only after he had been dead a set number of years. I certainly don't agree withh all of his conclusions - especially those concerning God - but it's extremely thought-provoking material and worth a read, IMHO.)
wow...what a thought provoking question.
I must admit that knowing that the ratio is so lopsided that it caused me to be a "dog". I also know that "Holy Scriptures" refer to singleness as a blessing. I really don't have an answer for your dierct question and I don't konw if anyone could have an answer for that. Knowing that God doesn't make mistakes and multiple marriages didn't seem to be too popular in the "Bible" either. It does raise a great query.
I make a public apology for myself as a brotha that took advantage of the statistic and used it for my own vile means.
excellent post question.
Keshi - GURRRL, u r hilarious! i doubt u'll be eternally single:-)
Xcentric - Sis, i once had a fine brother try to recruit me into a 'cult-like' religion where polygamy is practiced. LOL! He was NOT that fine;-). my grip sometimes gets loose - but i continue to hold onto my faith, too!
Shai - as much as i wrestle with the "realities" around me I also believe that I create my reality through my self-talk...so, i'm working diligently to weed out language that creates isolation...
Miz - as i stated above to Shai, i do believe that part of our adjustment process is the self-talk:-). As Brother Adam C. Powell used to say, "Keep the Faith, Baby!"
Rich - u must miss Lance, so u're determined to "stir the milk"! LOL! But, while u're "jiving" - physical intimacy is EXTREMELY important to me (& many others whether they admit it or not - we're wired to need touch as humans). So, yes that IS ONE aspect of my struggle with the Christian faith...
Nikita - I HEAR ya! I refuse to compete intentionally...who ever is meant for me, is meant for me! thanx for coming thru, Sis:-).
SulDog - thanx for explaining my desire for multiple men. I always felt that there are so many beautiful men & so little time;-). LOL! But, seriously - i do need to look at Twain again. thanx for the info.
DC - u're right, only God can really answer this question TO each of us individually. I just like to "hear" the thoughts of others. My greatest struggle w/ the Bible is that it was written at a time when marriage happened as soon as adulthood was reached physically (12 or 13 years of age) - PLUS folx were living well into their hundreds (Mathuselah wasn't the oldest jokah in the book;-)...So, I'm keeping myself fit - cuz I think I just may live to be into some deep hundreds - since several of my family members did;-)
How is it isolating to be truthful about the other possibilities?
Shai - i stated that I am weeding isolating language from MY thought patterns - that comment was not referring directly to what U stated...does that make sense/clarify?
Ok. So define what you mean by isolating? I am not clear.
i spend a GREAT deal of time alone, isolated. Because of that i have to remind myself that people have drama & interactions in their lives that I don't have...it's been an effort for me with my new 'interest' who is Hispanic and has a great deal of family involvement that is different for me. It takes getting used to. That's what I mean by talking to myself to reduce the isolation. Does that make sense?
Ok, I get ya. I am something like that. I am more a loner. I can be around folks for a while. Then issues and quirks of others irk me and I retreat back to my own space, zone so to speak. I can be introverted or extroverted, I prefer the former. I just have remember many folks won't understand it and that is is Ok to be to myself at times.
Are you an only child? i forget.
Not an only child - but not close w/ siblings, either....so, our drama doesn't really affect each other too much.
I'm with Cap,now Rich why you wanna go and stir the pot like that...we done told you before, women and men view sex differently...it's not all we want, as someone once said, It's the nightcap, the dessert or for some it could be the appetizer, some people use appetizers as meals, but me i like a full course meal, that includes appetizers and dessert...okay i'm sure you get my point, lol! Wheres Lance????
One thing that caught me FAST in this discussion was the suggestion that most Black men in this country are gay or in jail. That may be a racist's dream, but I am glad that it is not our reality. Yes, too many brothas are doing wasted time in the belly of the beast. True, some bruhs have different sexual wiring than my own--they want other men. The so-called "shortage" of good Black men is a great media hype that has too many sistas scared. We're here...but many of us are just learning how to communicate with you ladies without fight language and media-driven expectations or biases kicking in. Many of you ladies are only now beginning to understand that we Black men are often good men even when we don't fit your personal standards for what you want. I say this: take a good long look at your list that encompasses what you expect of your man, then compare it to what you see everyday. Where should you compromise or change what you chase (that's only for the man chasers, y'all...)? That question seems to shift the priorities for many of us (yep--men, too).
My friend(s): The problem is that we have messed up the way things were intended by the creator. The story starts right at the beginning with Adam and Eve. Had mistakes not been made there, we might not be where we are now. God wiped it all out and started over again with an equal number of males and females and we did it again.
Also, I wonder about the actuality of statistical accuracy as assumed by so many today. Even if, for the sake of argument, it is, I'd say it's highly cultural. Men and women on the planet are still roughly 50/50. I would guess that there are as many gay women as there are men. I'm sure there are more guys in the clink than women, but that doesn't mean that there is a shortage...it means that it probably requires more effort.
MANY of us blame God for what's wrong, but FEW of us do what he requires. The answers can be found in a personal relationship with Him, obedience to his will and faith in him.
I realize we are earthly minded and tend to think of things in terms of the here and now, but Jesus said that there won't even be any marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30). It will all be about our adoration for God. Those of us who claim the blood should know that our relationship with God is priority one. We should also know that without faith in Him, it is impossible for us to please Him (Heb 11:6), and that if we would have faith, we can rely on Rom 8:28 (all things working together for good). God is not a genie and never promised to take care of all of our wants, but has promised to take care of our needs AND to give us a crown of life if we would live faithful lives until death (Rev 2:10).
Wonderfully thought provoking post.
Sistah Miz - u know we're on the same page...nuff said, Girl. Lance has been busy working he told me last time we talked.
Ced - Bruh, looks like this struck a nerve for U & Bro G;-)...I'd like to take a good long look at my list of men...Oh Wait! I'd like to have a list to look AT! LOL! But, I have opened my options by dropping the age "requirement" - gotta keep the height requirement tho';-).
Wow! Bro G - u went all OUT for this one:-)...i appreciate the various scriptures - but i did preface this with the fact that my confusion lies in the fact that the Bible is male interpretations of God's word. Where are the books written by women? I know that my life is not FOR me - but for The Creator's kingdom...I'm just a wondering and putting the question out there...Glad it provoked your thinking juices;-)
Yeah, I was starting trouble. I was laughing as I hit enter. Anyway, my answer would be too exhausting for a comment, so maybe (MAYBE) I'll do a post with adequate backup for what I want to say.
c'mon & enlighten a sistah, Bro Rich - share yr wisdom;-)
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