Sistah Kiki's post got me thinking - AGAIN - is it really such a bad thing to be two-faced? Those aren't her words - but she describes a dilemma that many I know live with. I am trying to capture this phenomena in my novel (that I pray will be published later this year;-). I let a friend read part of my novel and her reaction: "That's unrealistic. No educated woman speaks like that." What really cracked me up about her reaction is the fact that she and I cut up all the time and we're both educated professionals! I didn't even ask why she wouldn't believe it in a story.
So, I ask - how many of you are two-faced? Do you meet folk in one setting and they get surprised and bent out of shape when you show them another side of you? Or are U the one who gets surprised by another's multi-faceted personalities?
Addendum:
I know most use the term two-faced to mean a negative thing. But, I want to play with the concept a bit. I grew up with folks who claimed if you left the neighborhood or the family circle and improved yourself you'd gotten "brand new" and that was a crime: as the premise of the new movie Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins seems to be. I'm not saying that we should forget our moral grounding, but I do struggle with the going back and forth sometimes. Some days, I just wanna kick my shoes off and be country as I wanna be! Sometimes, I know I need to be professional & on top of things - even FABULOUS! Then, there are times when even I caYn't STAND the folx I grew up with in all their ignant glory! LOL! So, yea - I know I can be two-faced - but not in a malicious sense.
*click image for source.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Two-Faced ... how bad is it?
Moved by The Creator, Merely posted by CapCity at 2/13/2008
Labels: blessings in disguise, promoting another blogger, two faces
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18 Comments:
I am a person who has many sides. I find it funny when some one who has known me forever, sees me in a different light. I just think it is me being multidimensional.
we're sometimes like chameleons...we sort of morph depending on who we're with...i admit i am guilty of this...but really aren't we all? and is it really all that bad?
Hey Cap...well I've always said that I have layers like an "onion" (Shrek), but I just consider that being versatile not two-faced. Being two-faced to me is being fake, double-minded, hypocritical and treacherous. A two-faced person will act supportive of you in one setting and go against you in another and to me, that not just "showing another side" that's being untrue to yourself as so-called friends.
It is not two-faced or fake. It is called versatility. LOL. I learned this early in life. You accordingly to the situation. It doen't mean changing your personality or moral values.
My daughter teases me when I answer my phone at work. I sound businesslike and she laughs mocking me. Actually coworkers and fam/friends mimick me. LOL. I understand and it does not bother me. They know I am taking care of business.
If I am with my girlfriends, what we talk about and how we talk will be real different from how I speak to my coworkers or even my fam. I see it as being flexible.
I remember a coworker did not like Max on Living Single cause she believed lawyers don't act like that. WTH! They do their jobs and that does not mean they are lawyerish at home. Geez. LOL.
If your are trying to suck up, put on airs, be untrue to you then being "two-faced" is bad. If your are true to you and allow multi-facets of you to come out with different people there is nothing wrong with it. Actually it makes a person more interesting.
Just my humble opinion. LOL.
I'm still being myself when in a formal or business setting - I show the parts of myself that are appropriate for the moment.
I'm myself when acting ig'nant with my girfriends.
I'm myself when I'm the sex goddess (yes I AM!) with my guy.
Those who remain exactly the same in all situations are socially retarded IMO.
To me, Tto-faced means playing one friend off the other.
I can definitely come across as two-faced. Especially at work. Sometimes I just tell my co-workers what the hell they wanna hear so they can leave me to my blogging! lol
It's so silly to reduce a person to one aspect of who they are and not appreciate the multi-dimensional aspects that they offer. We no longer live in a jack of all trades master of none society. You'd better know how to switch it up and understand that this is the only way to grow. Be who you are... As long as you don't impose your will on another and you can feel good about you, Do it til' you're Satisfied...
Where I grew up, being two-faced could only be construed negatively as it meant you were snaking someone -- a backstabber.
What you are speaking of is something entirely different -- multi-dimensional. THAT is what I am and of what I am most proud sometimes! As a black woman working in corporate America, who proudly grew up in the hood and intends to squeeze tightly to my chest all that comes with that upbringing, I am required to be multi-dimensional in my speech, dress, and reactions to certain situations when on the job. Male-Female relationships result in another dimension of me taking center stage, while motherhood and membership in my family reveal yet another. The number of dimensions I possess you ask...I doubt that I will ever know. So based on those facts alone, the term two-faced could never encompass all that I am!
I think its really neat how the fellow contributors, myself included, have all embraced the concept and provided nice bits of self reflection and everyone more or less has agreed. Semantically, "two-faced" is an allegorical concept that refers to presenting contradicting "selves" to the same person, one in favor and the other in opposition. If we go with that def. than being in favor of this concept would complicate quite a few of our relationships (hug me in my face, stab me in my back)
However, what you describe - which has been stated by several others -is a multi-dimensional/layered person that changes or even adapts to people, surroundings, and circumstances - and everyone falls under this category in some shape or fashion. For instance, take this comment and compare it to several of the blog entries I have posted and you may hear a different person...
of course, i'm two-faced cap! i was pullin' for the giants to win the sooper bowl this year...
next year i'm pullin' for the carolina panthers!!!!!... ;-P
*an animal must learn to adapt to its environment or it will die*
- from a book reading in my 3rd grade social sciences class
I like that you re-positioned the definition of two-faced. I too grew up with it being a negative label...and one you did not want. Now that I am way older, there is more to it than just calling it two-faced. I like the fact that I am multi-dimensional and that I can shift and fall into different steps as I need. I have lived a great many lives and my being has to reflect that. How I am with my Sister-friends who I have cocktails with is not the way I am with my Church Sisters, and so on. Aren't we all multi-layered and multi-dimensional? If not then we ought to be.
I would call it multi-dimensional, and it's not unusual in any setting...some folks want to put you in a box, and usually it is to their detriment, because when they allow themselves to get to know the complete you, the total you, their lives will be just as blessed in that revealing...just you watch and see.
ditto what everyone has said here. Yes, I can play in many arena's whether it's in the county, city, or high society.
I ordered the book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On Amazon.
I don't mind the two-facedness, as long as the person owns up to it. I got a different personality for every person I meet, and they all know it. I don't know when or why or how it started. It's just the way I am. The foundation of "me" is good/positive; it's just that some people bring out certain things in me when others don't. I like being multi-charactered* (I know that's not a word, but whateva) though.
:)
Peace
Well it comes dowm to this...as we all live and have experiences we grow. We evolve. Things that interested us before may not anymore. We may have realized that our behavior in the past was not appropriate. We get poliehd and refined. If you do not grow, and change you are destined to maintain just what you have and maybe loose what you need.
Wellll...looks like i struck a nerve/chord! I think some lurkers came out on this one;-) LOL!
U ALL know that I agree that "..everyone falls under this category in some shape or fashion.." to be:
multidimensional, chameleons, layered, flexible, able to show the parts of ourself that is appropriate for the moment, able to tell FOLK what the hell they wanna hear so they can leave US ALONE, animals who must learn to adapt to the environment, able to shift and fall into different steps as needed, able to play in many arenas, multi-charactered, able to evolve!!!
True:"...the term two-faced could never encompass all that WE are" - there IS no ONE term to encompass US! Because when "folks want to put you in a box... it is to their detriment!" I couldn't have said it ANY BETTER & am fascinated that EACH person had a different way to describe it!
SADLY I DO know folk who ARE THE SAME WITH EVERYONE & in EVERY setting - though they THINK by changing clothes they're different. So so sad!! The restaurant scene in Daddy's Li'l Girl comes to mind! FUNNY when you're not with them! LOL!
happy nappy sweetheart day sista
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