Blessed Reflections...again

*This was originally posted on Oct 31st, 2006 - Wooow, how time flies! As my solo-flight seems to be drawing to a close I found this post perfect for the season of Thanksgiving & felt the need to share it again, including the two original comments. Besides, many of U may have missed it back when I was blog-green;-). And don't U just love this photo of me? It's one of my faves! LOL! Enjoy!

Reflections are such a blessing. I wish everyone of you, readers the blessings of truly loving and passionate experiences, which you can recall with vivid fondness.

If The Creator never sends another passion filled man into my heart I will die a grateful woman. Many of you will read this and wonder why such a young, vibrant woman as I am would even consider dying without another loving experience. I just want The Creator to know how thankful I am for the experiences I have had since my birth. First, I was blessed to be born to parents who loved me despite their own struggles to love themselves. My father is my best friend and I am eternally grateful for that blessing. My mother is a tough woman who has suffered much loss, resulting in struggles with herself. Nevertheless, I have always known that I was loved. Sometimes, being loved means being envied and hated for the love that others grant easily. Sometimes, being loved means feeling as if the love is undeserved, because I didn't understand what made me so special.

For years, sadly, I foolishly batted away the love that was thrust upon me, simply because I felt I was an unworthy recipient. Well, maybe not totally unworthy, but I felt there were others who deserved love, too (maybe even needed it more than I did, so I thought). I witnessed many others around me who reeally needed love, but didn't get it as easily as I. I send up apologies to those who tried to love me and were rudely, unjustly mistreated because of my ignorance. I did not realize that pushing love away from me would not send it to the people who were love-lacking. I did not realize that I deserved to be loved - just because...I AM one of The Creator's artworks that took time to develop. I deserve to be loved - just because. Regardless of the circumstances, my parents came together in love and I was a result of that rebellious risk and bond. I deserve to be loved - just because ... I AM loving and lovable.

I have experienced a quiet, romantic-love-slow year in which I have been able to reflect, rehash, and even flail about in frustration:-). In this year, I have especially missed the romance, love and tenderness that Black men would bestow upon me. In this year, I have reminisced on the true gifts and love blessings that I have received over the course of my years, many which I did not treat with the deserved reverence. In this romantic-love-slow year, I have fondly recalled the nuances and flirtations that I have been blessed with. Though, I may have been foolish on many levels, I am grateful that I enjoyed many of the courtship & sensational subtleties and flirtations before the onslaught of blatantly overt sexual promotion found in today's media. As I watch the "court-ship" of young people today, I often wonder if there is any chance that they may enjoy some of the delights and innocence as I did. I guess, truth be told, even before the sex-glut of the media, there was often some "fresh" boy who attempted to touch me inappropriately and made me feel as if this female body I was "trapped in" was an object that brought on unwanted attention. But, for the most part I was blessed with respectful overtures.

I can only hope that today's young women do still enjoy the attentions of honorable young men who truly appreciate them and all the glories of their femininity: mind, spirit and body. The memories of simply holding hands with my first love conjure stirrings within me to this day. When we held hands, we did so secretly - we thought. There was such intensity in those feather-light touches that the connection to his one hand set off sparks over my entire being. A mere look from him across a crowd would set my heart racing and render me speechless. The thought that such a handsome, smart, athletic boy found me worthy of so much of his attention was mind boggling and breath-taking.

I have to laugh as I reflect on my past, in frustration. My love life has been made up of the "stuff" of romance novels, and I took too much of it for granted. I have experienced some melodrama, but overall I have simply been the recipient of affection from many whom I had no idea how to reciprocate. I don't agree with women who bemoan the lack of good men, I am quiet during those conversations as I scream inside my head, "This is so unfair to the many who love us, yet we don't accept or understand them!" I have encountered my share of good, decent Brothers and turned them away because I was unable to appreciate them. Now, I'm praying that The Creator does sometimes send out second helpings:-). Old folks say that "The Lawd takes care of fools and babies." I'm praying that the old folk are right, again:-).

I must thank you, Creator. As frustrated as I have often found myself in this romantic-love-slow year, I have learned to recognize and appreciate the love that I get from family and friends. I have learned to recognize what I truly need in a romantic relationship. I have learned how to provide some of my emotional support, so that I won't overwhelm, nor suffocate the next Brother who enters into a romantic relationship with me. Yes, reflection is a wonderful blessing.

May we all enjoy this season of Thanxgiving - cuz, really Thanx Giving is Every Day! :-)